#and ellie says what are they capable of

[andorerso]

finally started watching TLOU and when Tess says “he answers to me” mhhmmm queen shit, you love to see it

[spaceratprodigy]

was thinking about somethin somethin nicky "breaking up" with iris while slow dancing with her

[covetyou]

solstice

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader  rating: Explicit (18+ only!)  warnings: smut (PiV), competency kink, grumpy/sunshine, he falls first, yearning, angst, almost enemies to lovers, Tommy being a little shit, no use of y/n, Jackson!Joel word count: 4k  summary: Three little words. Joel heard those same three words damn near every day for the last seven months. Most days, they were the only words you said to him. Sometimes, if he was lucky, you'd say them more than once. Other days, you didn't say anything to him at all. He liked those days least of all.

A/N: happy holidays @trulybetty! thank you for being so lovely about this being a little late. I was only going to go for one or two of your prompts for the @pedrostories secret santa, but then my brain went why not all of them, and now here we are. 

divider by @saradika-graphics

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Three little words.

"I got it."

Joel heard those same three words damn near every day for the last seven months. Most days, they were the only words you said to him. Sometimes, if he was lucky, you'd say them more than once. Other days, you didn't say anything to him at all. He liked those days the least.

You said other things too, of course. He heard you speak to other people. Not always nicely, but he heard you. You said more to him on occasion too. Out my way or put it down were some particular favorites, but none said more so than those three, tiny, little words.

I got it.

Because you did. He had never met a woman who had got it more than you. Strong, capable, and everything he ever tried to be. He watched every day how you'd got it. Climbing up ladders with tiles stacked on your shoulder, hauling wheelbarrows full of gravel, chopping wood in bitter wind and cold. You had it, and he watched, wanting it too.

The only problem was, he wasn't too sure what it was.

To begin with, it was the respect you commanded that he yearned for. He had that, once. Not here. Fuck, never here. The people here would barely look at him for the first few weeks. But you? They listened to you. If you said move they listened, even if it was with a roll of their eyes. If you told someone to fuck off to medical, they went without a grumble. They trusted you. Even if you weren't particularly generous with your smiles.

You were the exact opposite of what Joel was finding he had to be.

In Boston, people feared him, and that kept him, and Tess, safe. It was for the best. The people here feared him too, at first. Maybe even still now, if he was to be honest with himself, but he'd worked hard to change that. He met the mumbled good mornings with as much of a smile as he could muster. He went for drinks with his brother, made small talk with the locals even when he didn't want to. He tried to get into Maria's good graces, but never quite succeeded.

And he worked. With you mostly. Jackson didn't have much use for hired muscle or someone who could smuggle shit discreetly - not outside of the daily patrol shifts they wouldn't let him on yet, anyway - but they did have use for contractors. Plumbers, electricians, carpenters, anyone who was good at doing shit with their hands. Those were things that had value behind these walls and, luckily for him, that meant he had value too. For the first time in a long time, he meant something to people.

Just not to you.

As much as he smiled, and made small talk, and helped out fixing shit in this place that was now his home, he could never get through to you. He'd try to help you out, only to be knocked aside - sometimes literally. You barely looked at him. Spoke only when necessary. Once, you'd even told him to fuck off.

He did.

At first he took it all personally. He moped, and kept his sour mood hidden from his brother and Ellie. Then, he saw how you were with, well, just about everyone else, and that lessened the sting.

But, as time wore on, Joel saw other things too. Where at first you'd seemed rude and abrasive, he now saw the kindness and compassion you treated everyone with. If you told someone to go the fuck home, it wasn't because you wanted them gone it was because you wanted them rested. If you let people struggle, strike their thumbs with a badly aimed hit of a hammer, it was to help them learn. You never did let anyone make the same mistake twice. And, because of you, no one did.

It was with the waning of spring that his desire to be you changed into something different and entirely more confusing.

As the gardens and trees exploded in the frenzy of summer, you shed your layers. Literally, not figuratively. You still stayed firmly closed up as your jacket disappeared and made way for a shirt hung loosely about your shoulders. Then, even that found its way around your waist and Joel had to come face to face with the bare, strong expanse of your back while you worked in nothing but a tank top, the patch of sweat at the small of your back blooming while he watched.

It was for the best that he didn't think about what you looked like walking towards him during those relentlessly hot months, with nothing but a thin tank top pulled across your chest. It wasn't something he should think about in public, anyway. It was something he kept for late at night, when those three little words echoed around his head and you showed him just how much you really, truly got it.

By October, Tommy had caught on. Your jacket was fastened back around you, and you were as hostile as ever. You breezed past him one morning, hooking a ladder over one shoulder, toolbag gripped in your other hand.

"I got it."

By now, Joel knew you did.

By now, he wanted to come with you anyway.

So he did, grabbing his own set of salvaged tools and heading up to the latest reno with you, only to have you square up to him the second you saw him.

"I said, I got it."

Five words. It was a good day.

So good, that he couldn't keep his eyes off you in the Tipsy Bison that night. You weren't in here often - from what he could tell, you didn't do much outside of work - but the people who shared your company seemed to enjoy it. You sat soft and quiet in the corner, listening in to their conversation more often than you contributed. But, when you did, they laughed, and Joel caught himself smiling, and Tommy caught him too.

"Never thought you'd be more of a ray of fuckin' sunshine than anyone else, but there's a first for everythin', I guess," he'd said, tilting his glass to the table in the corner where you sat. 

Joel took a swig of the last fresh cider of the season and shrugged.

"You got an eye for her."  

He sputtered, choking on the tart, sweet liquid. "No I ain't."

"Well you got somethin'," said Tommy, clinking his glass against Joel's own. "If it ain't an eye it's your-" 

A harsh kick, and a grunt loud enough to turn every head in the bar later, and Tommy dropped it entirely.

For about a week.

Tommy ribbed him at dinner, drinks, lunch and just about every time in between. Called Joel 'Sunshine' even as he scowled. Asked about his girl as if you were anything other than a person who hated him. Slung his arm around Joel's shoulder and told him all about the birds and the bees, as if he'd ever forgotten.

He couldn't forget. Not with you running around barking at him and keeping him in a seemingly permanent state of arousal. If it wasn't your voice and that angry way you talked at him, it was just about anything else. He couldn't escape it.

It was how you did everything he could do, and more. What he had in strength, you had in technique. Your hands - fuck, did he watch your hands - were rarely unblemished with dirt or scrapes, but they were adept at everything you put them to. He couldn't look away, even if he knew each minute he looked was a minute quicker he'd be when he touched himself to the thought of you later that night.

The taunts stopped with the first snowfall.

"If you're really that interested, should talk to her," Tommy said instead. "Bark's worse than her bite."

"You're still sayin' she bites, though."

"Sure she would if you asked nice enough, brother."

Joel didn't ask.

He didn't ask the morning he woke up early to see the town blanketed in thick snow either. He simply went out, picked up a snow shovel and began working until the sun came up. He didn't expect to find you at his door that evening, or for you to grab him and throw him outside, pushing him up against the side of his own house.

"What do you think you're playing at, Miller?" you growled up at him, pushing him firmly against the siding.

Joel stared, dumb-founded, your hands curled in the front of his shirt - touching him - and blinked down at you.

"I don't give a shit who you are or what you've done out there. I am not scared of you and I am not having you take my job."

You ignored him more after that. Days went by with barely a word to him - not even a scowl thrown his way if he made too much noise or offered to help someone out on a job.

As for him, he couldn't stop thinking about it. Every day for weeks that night played through his head, memory of the feel of your hands on his chest and your face so close he could feel your breath, until Christmas was on the horizon and a pit of fear began stirring in his stomach. You were a balm to it, somehow. Something to focus on when the fear got too much and kept him inside, away from the crowds of happy people.

Every single I got it was more of a comfort than the last. It could have been the familiarity of it, or the way those words came softer and softer as the season wore on. Sometimes he'd head by the workshop to ask if you needed a hand, just to hear that soft rejection one more time.

Until late one cold afternoon, it didn't come. You were alone, blowing warm air onto gloved hands, and when he asked you simply nodded, and he followed.

You worked together in silence until the sun set, when you turned to him as you parted ways.

"S'hard this time of year, but joy and grief can exist at the same time, y'know."

He didn't go to the Bison that night. Or the next. He let the grief crack open his chest instead, and let it pour out over his bedroom floor for two whole days.

On the third, he let the joy back in. Ellie reeled off new jokes from a book she found in the Jackson library. He held his nephew and rocked the teething babe to sleep. He went back to the Bison - you weren't there - and celebrated the impending holiday.

Seven months, three days, and about as many hourssince he stepped foot back in Jackson. Damn near every day he's heard those three little words, and he'll be damned if he goes another without them.

With the day as short as it could ever be, the sun tracking low in the sky, he finds you.

"I got it," you say softly, when he asks you that very same question he always does.

"I know."

He doesn't know how your lips end up on his - because it is you who kisses him. He doesn't know how his fingers find themselves under your shirt either, the coldness of them making you gasp into his mouth until you're pulling apart, both wide eyed.

He does know you taste like fruit, even in the dead of winter. He always suspected it - knew your sweet tooth by the berries you couldn't resist and the sweet treats gifted to you. He knows your fingers are as cold as his when you hand him a shovel.

He does know, even though you got it, you let him help anyway.

You clear streets and roofs of snow together until the sun goes down. He follows at your heel in the dark, cold biting through your layers as you both stomp the snow off your boots, shovels thrown down, workshop locked up. You barely even look at each other until you're staring through the fog of your own heavy breaths on Joel's front porch. He doesn't know how to welcome you in - he never was too good with words - so he simply unlocks the door and pushes it open.

You step inside.

Layers are shed before the door even closes. Heavy coats dumped on the couch, boots toed off and left this way and that. The hat on your head stuffed in a pocket - he can't remember which.

You move upstairs - worked on this house, you say - and pull him into his own bedroom before his lips even touch yours again. But when they do, they do. Joel's frantic with it, feeling the softness of you so close to the hardness of him. His hands hold your waist, rooting you to him, but then you're moving them up and under your shirt to the flair of your ribcage. The curve of your breasts fit perfectly against the cradle of his thumb and forefinger, and he thinks of everything his hands have done, this is what they were made for.

It must be. When you whine at the feel of this thumb stroking across your pebbled nipple, he thinks for the first time in a long time that maybe his hands aren't so monstrous if they can pull such pretty noises from you.

In fact, the things they've done don't seem to matter at all when he gets to touch you, to pull sounds from you so sweet he'll be tasting you on his tongue all over again just from the memory of them. For all the harm these hands have done, they could never hurt you. You would never let them. You'd tear him apart first.

And he'd let you.

You swallow his groan when you palm his length over his jeans. He stiffens beneath your touch, warm and firm, and grinds into your hand. It's been so long since he's felt the touch of anyone other than himself. He could come just grinding himself against the firm press of your hand against him, if he thought about it too hard.

So he doesn't. He focuses instead on the soft plink plink plink as you run a nail up his ice cold zipper, the way you bite his lip, tangle your fingers in his hair.

He tries to take off his own belt, cold fingers fumbling against even colder metal, but you mumble I got it into his mouth, and his knees quiver.

You do. You always do.

His belt is pulled off and you're tugging him by the loops of his pants and pushing him against his own bed, the sheets still rumpled from the morning. You slip off your own and toss it to the side too, tangling it with his on his bedroom floor. Then, you're so very close to him again, his thigh between your legs as you nip and suckle on his bottom lip. He holds you close - one hand finding its way under your shirt again, cupping your breast fully this time, and the other pulling you firmly against his strong thigh.

You warm his thigh with the burning heat between your legs, grinding yourself against him, the seam of your jeans pulling tight against you. Moans you were pulling from him a moment ago are silenced by your own, your nails digging crescents into his arm as you burrow your face into his neck in an attempt to stifle them.

You're better than he ever dreamed. Softer. Warmer. Stronger. The sounds you make so much prettier than he ever thought. Those three little words so much sweeter within these walls than any other.

Even when you strip off layer after layer, it's better than he dreamed. Summer was barely a taste of you, he realises, when your shirt, your tank, your soft bra, all tumble to the floor and you climb onto the bed behind him.

You kick your jeans off, and he pulls his down too. He can't get his shirt off quick enough, the scars on his body forgotten as he strips bare for you as you watch, lust barely turning to curiousity as you take in the sight of his body.

"Come here," you tell him, and he obeys. You're softer with him when he lies beside you then. Grasping hands turn to gentle strokes, his own hands on your bare flesh mimicking your gentle movements across his skin.

When your hand trails down to his cock, squeezing once again when you feel him throb in your palm, he has to pinch his eyes closed and pretend he's anywhere but here.

"Been a long time," he says through gritted teeth. "Long, long time."

Me too, he thinks he hears you whisper before your lips latch to his again and his soft, worn boxers are slipped down his legs, kicked to the side, forgotten.

You don't look at him, and for that he's grateful. He's less grateful when you start to play with your own nipples and toy with the edge of your panties. He presses a kiss to your shoulder instead, hiding his face against you and breathing you in.

When he opens his eyes again, your panties are off, thighs spread, one hooked lazily over his own, the other stretched out on his sheets.

"Don't have to," you mumble, when he looks down at you, stunned look obvious on his face.

"I want to."

He touches you and you let him. His hands run all over your body, rough, calloused palms dragging across your soft belly, your hips, your thighs. He's dreamed of this, and still it's better than his wildest fantasies.

When your hand wraps around his bare cock, pumping his length once, twice, he thinks that's better than any fantasy too. You practically drag him by the cock, tugging gently to pull him towards you until he's kneeling between your thighs. You lazily stroke him, swiping precum across his tip and making him jerk in your grip. His own hands play with your thighs, massaging and squeezing them, drawing his fingers closer and closer to your apex.

Seven months, three days, and twenty-something hours since he stepped back into Jackson, he slips into you for the first time.

And, fuck, is it divine.

You're slick, and wet, his cock gliding across your skin before he pushes into you, and you both gasp.

He's slow. He trembles. His fingers make dents in your thighs as he grips them. You shuffle your hips, make yourself comfortable, and he holds steady while you adjust to the intrusion. Then, you pull him in, grabbing him by the neck to steal a kiss while he makes space for himself deep inside you, rocking each tentative inch into you until he's rooted inside.

You adjust - let the tenseness in your core release - and he barely holds on. And, just when he thinks he's got a hold of himself and begins fucking you in slow, languid movements, your hand moves and you say those three little words.

"I got it."

For the first ever time, he stops you. His hand pins yours to your hip, his movements stilling as you frown up at him, a threat on the tip of your tongue. So, he begs.

"Let me. Please."

And you do. He slowly swipes a spit slicked thumb against your clit, and watches as you melt into his sheets. By the look of you, the pure relief on your face, he thinks this could be the first time you've ever truly let go, and his ego soars.

It soars again when your legs tremble, rocking his thick cock in you as his thumb works slowly over your clit. You moan his name, and he groans too. He can't keep it back. It's the first time he's ever heard you say it, and he doesn't think it could sound better. Your eyes find his when you say his name again, testing him, only to pull another groan deep from his chest.

A small nod is all you give him as a sign you want more. His thumb moves quicker, popped into his mouth to taste you just for a moment before it swipes around your cunt where you grip him, and back up to your clit.

You come on him, face turned into his sheets, brow furrowed, mouth open as you moan and shake, trembling and pulsating on his cock as you come.

For you, he keeps going. Let's you ride out the waves, fluttering against him, as he barely holds back from the brink himself.

If this is all he gets - if you push him off and walk away now - it would be a good day, he thinks. But you don't. He doesn't even get chance to ask if you want him gone when you're pulling him down, kissing him, rocking your hips against him and murmuring against his throat for him to fuck you.

So, he does.

It feels sloppy, and awkward, his hips not quite knowing how to move any more as he snaps them against yours.

"Don't stop," you whisper to him with a scrape of your teeth against his shoulder. "Don't stop."

He's never been able to disobey you, he realizes. He's never had reason let alone want to. Even now, he does as he's told, keeps fucking forward into you, mattress squeaking and bed rocking as he finally, finally, finds his rhythm.

It's easy then. You spur him on, grip him tight, wrap your legs around his waist. He grunts, growls, can barely stop himself from panting, looking down at you and how you stare back at him and he thinks fuck, this is what it's like to be trusted by you.

With a sudden gasp, he pulls out, slipping from your wet heat to rut against your sopping cunt until he's spurting ropes of come against your mound and belly.

He apologizes, tries to admonish himself for being so quick. You tell him to shut up, hitting his shoulder. He does.

You both sigh in the afterglow. Even in the before, he never had times like this, he doesn't think. It was always frantic, too quick, too drunk, too fumbling. In the after, he could never quite relax enough to enjoy it fully. In the now, it's just about the best he's ever had.

You're still covered in him. Your fingers play idly in it on your belly, and he glows. He'd trace patterns with it over your skin, if only you'd let him. But then, you're up and gone, and he fears you're gone for good until you waltz back in and throw yourself next to him, mess cleaned from your skin as you stretch and yawn beside him.

"I aint tryin' to take your job, y'know," Joel tells you some time later, when the afterglow wanes and sleep pulls at him.

"Right."

He looks to you, the roll of your eyes and tug of a disbelieving smile on your lips visible in the glow of the bedside lamp.

"I promise. I'm just tryin' to... be some place."

You're still. And silent. He thinks he's fucked up for all of one second, until you're smiling sadly up at the ceiling.

"I get that," you say softly. "This is a nice place to be, all things considered."

And, though he thinks he knows what you mean, Yes, he thinks, this is a nice place to be.

This is a good day.

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[cheyisagirlkisser]

Princess treatment with Ellie Williams: Headcannons

❀Ellie wants to treat you. It's always those soft, sensual kisses in which her plush lips will trace over your jaw down to your pulse, kissing at the fluttery feeling and quickly back up to your lips where she'll take her time with that shit. She wants to give you the world, not sloppy seconds.

❀"Ass or tits?" Thighs. Ellie loves thighs. She'll spend hours with her laid on your lap so she can occasionally leave soft pecks on your thighs. Small thighs, big thighs, stretch marks or none, she loves thighs. She's all about having a hand spread out on one of your thighs while she's driving, too.

❀Her love for you is something she is so proud of but also her biggest weakness. If you deny her, she loses her mind. Not actually denying her of course, because if you said she word she would keep her hands to herself in a heartbeat. But just denying her of what she wants so you can hear her soft, raspy voice pleading to touch you? Fuck, yeah.

❀Did I mention how much she loves your thighs? Not only that, but being between them. Ellie's a huge service top. She already knows she has power over you, but she wouldn't care if she didn't. Really, you're the one who has her wrapped around her slender fingers. Figuratively and literally. Tell that girl you want to go shopping and a credit card is in your hands. Hungry? Ellie will let you pick the restaurant, and she HAS to get you a bouquet of your favorite flowers every single time she picks you up. You're horny? She'll spend hours taking you apart from the seams, fingers pleasingly dipping into your warm hole, hours spent french-kissing your pussy lips, or if you're up for it her strap-on is always in her closet just for you.

❀She lives for your content sounds. She loves hearing the way you gasp when the plastic tip catches on your drenched hole, and she can't just shove it in, even if she's slightly tempted. She'll plunge into you like you're delicate and in need of the utmost care, and when you beg for more, she cannot bear denying you for even a second. She hates the idea of denying you orgasms or just edging overall. She also isn't too fond of overstimulation because if you seem like you're in any pain, even if it's the good type, she hates it. She has to be slow, sweet with you.

❀Not to say she won't be intense with you, though. As long as you beg, she'll be perfectly capable with slamming her hips into you, absolutely obliterating your train of thoughts. She wants to kiss you while she does it though, or at least tell you how fucking gorgeous you are between thrusts, and tell you how lucky she is to be inside you between her panting breaths.

❀Fuck, Ellie is just obsessed with you. She would spend the rest of her life keeping you happy just so she can plant her lips all over that sweet smile of yours, and it feels like she's loving a goddess.

A/N: I’m currently obsessed with service top Ellie/princess treatment so expect more of this version of her

[vifilms]

❝ TATTOO ARTIST!ELLIE ❞ ✶ ELLIE WILLIAMS !

♱

★⠀warning y disclaimers — eighteen+, fem!reader, wlw sex, poc!friendly, switch!reader, switch!ellie, tbh loser!coded ellie, scissoring, ellie being soft and cute and love struck, tattoo artist!ellie, mentions of oral.

RAY RAMBLES ✶ i'm still feeling out writing for ellie, so be nice to me pls, this is the first thing i've posted for her. if not, i won't write for her again jk but seriously dont be mean to me

tattoo artist!ellie who you meet due to her forgetfulness. her black, leathered notebook gets left behind when she meets a friend at a local coffee shop. there’s a business card of a tattoo shop and you decide to take your chances with it and call the number. thankfully, it pans out to be the owner’s notebook. she, ellie, has apparently been tearing apart her apartment trying to find it. her voice floods all over as she whispers thank you just shy of a thousand times, her grateful pleas drip like honey all over you, sweetening you right through your core.

tattoo artist!ellie who is stunned from the first sight of you. the outfit you have on isn’t anything special, out of the ordinary, not it really isn’t but she can’t help the way her eyes wonder over. you have some tattoos which are visible, adding to the draw she feels towards you. soft shoulders are exposed in the strapless top you’re wearing, but your pants are bagging, hanging lowly at your hips, exposing a sliver of your lower stomach to her green, greedy eyes. a new, sultry and velvet, voice speaks her name and ellie knows she’ll do anything and everything to hear it again.

tattoo artist!ellie who gladly walks up to you, accepting the her notebook, desperately attempting not to fixate on the tingle spreading in her heart when she feels your soft finger slightly rub against the tip of her thumb. your sharp, gorgeous eyes look ellie once over before you offer her a smile, blinding ellie to any logical sensibility. do you like her? are you pleased? do you think she’s pretty too? is your heart beating or your fucking chest? are you having trouble breathing like she is?

tattoo artist!ellie who begins to blush profusely as you compliment her tattoos on her exposed bicep with the muscle tank she’s wearing. ellie doesn’t think it’s anything more than you being nice, returning the compliment you gave her, but then you’re touching her. nails painted with black nail polish, shiny but chipped, accentuate the line work. ellie wants to faint. jesse is sitting at the stool on the front counter and lets out a small chirp of a giggle, ellie thinks about punching him in the gut, but it means she would have to walk away from you so she opts out.

tattoo artist!ellie who does something out of the ordinary for her, offers for you to come by next week, saying you’ll tattoo her for a discounted price, something she would never agree to if you weren’t so hot, god if you don’t like her she thinks she’ll puke. but you agree, with your touch still on her slim, but defined bicep. the smirk you’re sporting makes the auburn haired girl nearly faint. evidently, you know just how to pull on her strings. you step in closer to her frame, kissing her sweetly on the cheek and she’s just as soft as you imagined. i’ll definitely take you up on your offer, els. see you next week.

tattoo artist!ellie who is paying close attention as she starts the line work. you came in wanting it down on your back, so ellie focused her attention on preparing the ink when while you situated yourself. by the time ellie had turned around, you were shirtless the side of your breasts exposed as she began. mentally, trying to convince herself she capable of being professional and not thinking about your tits in her mouth. the longer it went on, the more you talked, and the bigger ellie’s crush became.

tattoo artist!ellie who sports a sheepish smile when you start asking her about her life, how she became a tattoo artist, how long she’d be doing it, what were her least favorite designs to do. you ask about twenty question before the one you really want to ask.

“so, no girlfriend?” you wished you could see her, try to gage her reaction, her facial expressions, a smile or a grime? was she looking at you like she wants to eat you alive?

“no, but why not ask me if you have a boyfriend?”

“you’re not the type. am i wrong?”

all ellie does is smirk, shaking her head and clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth obnoxiously, yeah she’s not the type.

tattoo artist!ellie who finished but not without difficulty. you love to talk, usually ellie would find it irritating when she’s trying to focus but on you it’s cute. she asks if you want to see it, and you simply agree. you turn your back to the mirror, your chest fully exposed and ellie looks anywhere but or tries to. she focuses on your angel sent smile and the look of glee as you admit how much you love it to ellie. or els, she tries not be too excited about how happy you are about it.

tattoo artist!ellie who isn’t sure how it happened, how you’re even into her, but she says enough of the right things to get you into her car and back to her apartment. you’re pushing her against the door pressed against her sinfully, peppering playful bites as ellie fishes for her keys. you follow her into her home, her tongue pleading for dominance over hers and she really doesn’t put much of fight.

tattoo artist!ellie who moans as you sit your cunt on top of hers. it’s delicious the way you have her putty in your hand from the initial grind. your clit catching with hers, her strong hands finding your hips, thumb with a bruising pressure, as pause. ellie is going to ask what’s wrong but before she can, you’re spitting on her cunt, a string of saliva, your perfectly wet concoction, halts as it travels down her labia and your sinking slick first, moaning out a soft oh, fuck, els you feel perfect.

tattoo artist!ellie who loves to watching your tits bounce for her as you slowly pick up the pace, the tattoo on your sternum perfectly placed between them only fuels the stickiness between ellie’s thighs. she lets you create the pace, control her to your liking.

“do you like to be, uh oh- fuck, choked?” you ask as feel yourself lost it, the smacking of your slick combined with her spurring you on.

ellie grabs your hand, placing your delicate fingers along her delightful throat, “what do you think, babygirl?”

tattoo artist!ellie who is quite literally getting off on getting choked by you. the light pressure on her neck, combined with you rubbing against her pussy hips falling over her again and against has her clit throbbing. you’re so painfully hot it, claiming her, riding her pussy, whimpering out els els els, make me cum, please baby, i’m right there. yeah? are you there with me, baby?

tattoo artist!ellie who comes right along with you. she swears she sees the creator from above for a moment, flashes of white cloud her vision as you continue to fuck her, pulling every last drop until it’s spilling over your cunt, it’s not until then are you satisfied. you collapse on her, your breasts softly smashed against her own, a whine leaving your lips, hot breath on ellie’s ear nearly makes her buck up back into you.

“c’mon, get this pretty ass up and arched. have to taste this pretty pussy before it kills me not to.” ellie whispers but the two of you know it’s not a request, it’s a command. happily, you obey.

[multi-fandomprompts]

Mom!Danny, Dad!Vlad, Kids!Dani and Dan, Batfam and Misunderstandings

Dp x Dc Prompt:

So a bit of a twist on the usual dp x dc trope; Vlad is the one who has come to live in the DC universe for a fresh start after he’s done his redemption thing and is getting therapy and he’s traveling around DC basically starting his company and wealth from scratch but without overshadowing people(still sketchy but what business man isn’t). Vlad happens to be in Gotham when Danny(18 y/o) comes to visit with Dani(Ellie)(5 y/o) and Dan(3 y/o) for a long weekend. Dick, Jason and Damian are the first ones to see the little family in a Batburger Danny dragged Vlad into. The little family is concerning for a number of reasons not because they are obviously(to a trained eye) not human(no nonhuman racism here) but the fact that Vlad and Danny are their usual antagonistic selves(Vlad is in a better place and a better parent then any one including Vlad thought he could be but him and Danny will eternally have beef) Vlad is very familiar with Danny and the obvious age difference between Danny and Vlad(with the kids and their ages added in the picture isn’t looking good). Encounters like this happen with all of the Batfam and Danny, Vlad and the kids behavior and conversation snippets the Batfam hear do nothing to clear up the Batfam’s misunderstandings. It all ends at gala; Danny(looking gorgeous in a ice blue dress with actual ghost ice crystals on it and coming in dramatically in a white fur coat from the Far Frozen) is Vlad’s date(the kids are left at the hotel with their ghost babysitter) and the bats manage to get Danny alone and corner him after the gala and while Batfam has the best of intentions this is quite literally none of their business(and Danny and Vlad were not blind to someone following them all this time) and though Danny was quite capable of taking care of himself he calls for Vlad with his aura and to say Vlad was pissed at what he finds when he answers Danny’s call is an understatement. Danny and Vlad don’t explain anything about the kids or what they are but they do take the Batfam to task for stalking, invasion of privacy, illegal interrogation and overall being nosy assholes who don’t know how to mind their own business. Vlad and Danny then leave and the Batfam are left with a lot to think about(hopefully), when Vlad moves on from Gotham at the end of the weekend Danny takes the kids home until the next vacation to visit Vlad and Vlad stays out of Gotham from then on.

(PS. This is good Fenton parents AU they are trying their best to make up to Danny and Jazz for what their inattention has cost their kids but their friendship with Vlad is firmly over(the only reason they haven’t Ended him is because of their grandkids).)

[consultingfujoshi]

craig mazin proving to all of us once again that he knows exactly when and where changes need to be made from the game to the show and exactly what he's saying when he makes those changes with ellie being allowed to brutalise david without joel stopping her are you listening to me!!!! it's about giving ellie far more agency and independence than her game counterpart, it's about allowing her to be the protagonist on her own terms, it's about joel once again failing her and showing up too late to save her and finding her stumbling about in the snow and all he can do is hold her and tell her it's okay, it's about setting up the kind of person ellie becomes when joel isn't there to hold her back it's about showing the extent of the brutality she is capable of when given the right motivation, and most importantly it's about ellie finally getting the outlet to release every bit of rage and anger and fear and sorrow she's had building up her entire life and violently reclaiming her own life on her own terms! and it's about giving bella ramsey his emmy moment!!! are you fucking listening to me!!!!!!

[noisynaia]

𝑺𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑰𝑺 𝑪𝑨𝑹𝑰𝑵𝑮

summary: The good old 'oh no, there's only one bed' trope.

pairing: Joel Miller x afab!reader 

word count: 3.8k 

note: Explicit (18+). Vaginal fingering, unprotected P in V, creampie. No use of (y/n). Nightmares. This has not been beta nor proof read and English is not my native language.

“Can you cut it out?” You sigh at the man who is currently and stubbornly laying on the hard floor next to the bed.    

It had been raining heavily for the entire day, the downpour so heavy that you couldn’t see more than a foot or two in front of you. All three of you were soaked to the bone and freezing. Spirit had been very low in your little travel group. Ellie had not come with her usual jokes and Joel had been even grumpier than usual so stumbling upon the little cabin had been a real stroke of luck. There had even been a dresser with enough dry clothes for all three of you to change into. 

You had given Ellie the couch in the living room since that was with the fireplace, leaving the single bedroom for you and Joel. 

“Just get up here. There’s plenty of space for the both of us.” You continue, cursing him and his damn stubbornness. The bed is not huge, but it will fit two people finely. 

“I’m fine down here. Trust me, I’ve had worse.” He just grumbles.  

You sigh, peeking your head over the edge of the mattress to look down at him. “I know you have a bad back and I need you to be well rested and alert, okay.” He tilts his head to look at you. “We both do…” You add, using Ellie to guilt trip him is maybe a little low, but you know it’s going to work and it is not like what you’re saying isn’t true. 

“Fine.” He finally sighs, as he gets up from the dusty floor, his knees creaking slightly before laying down next to you, but he doesn't get under the cover, instead laying straight on his back on top of the comforter with his arms crossed over his chest and eyes staring straight up at the ceiling.        

You want to tell him to just relax and get under the covers, but you don’t want to push your luck, so you just settle for the small victory of getting him into the bed, and who knows as sad as it makes you, maybe he really finds sleeping next to you more uncomfortable than the floor. 

You try not to dwell on that possibility too much, ashamed of how much that would affect you, so you just get comfortable under the covers instead. Turning to lay on your side, facing away from him as you close your eyes, but sleep doesn’t come to you.    

“Can I ask you something?” You whisper into the silent room, somehow knowing that he hasn’t fallen asleep yet. 

“Sure.” 

“It will never get easier will it? Living in this world… I tell myself that it will, that it is going to hurt less with time but… I’m just kidding myself, aren’t I?”

He doesn’t answer for a long time and you start to think that he may have fallen asleep before he finally breaks the silence. “No, I don’t think it will ever get easier.” A short beat of silence before he continues. “But I guess we can hope.” 

You sigh at his words. You really do hope so. The two of you are quiet again and you think he might have fallen asleep when he finally speaks again.  

 “Thank you.” Joel whispers into the darkness.

“For what?” You turn your head slightly towards him.  

“For tolerating my bullshit I guess.” 

It is the last words exchanged between you before sleep finally creeps up on the both of you. 

—

You wake up only a few hours into the night by the feeling of Joel’s frantic movements. He is tossing and turning uneasily and uttering incomprehensible muttered words. You turn around to face him, barely capable of making him out in the darkness of the room.

“Joel” You whisper, propping yourself up on your elbow, making you hover over him slightly. 

You watch the distressed look on his face, his eyes shut tight and his brows furrowed. Whispers of some terror make it out of his mouth. Your hand is hovering over his arm, unsure if he would be okay with your touch. But his nightmare seemingly continues. You frown and gently place your hand over his arm, softly rubbing the spot with your thumb.

“Joel.” You speak softly. “Wake up.”

You can feel how his whole body is shaking. He finally opens his eyes, letting out a gasp. His eyes wide and unfocused, clearly terrified of whatever he’d dreamed about, before they lock with yours and his gaze relaxes a little. 

“I’m sorry.” He mutters, his rapid breathing is slowly coming under control. 

“Don’t apologize.” You frown at him, your eyes are now better accustomed to the darkness and you can see his face more clearly. “I get them too.” You confess dropping your head back on the pillow.

“Do you need anything?” You ask, feeling him move slightly on the mattress.

“No.” He sighs, rubbing a hand over his face.

Silence falls over you, the two of you just laying and listening to your own quiet heartbeats. 

“Why don’t you get under the covers?” You finally say, almost a little pleading.

And to your happy surprise he actually does. Joining you under the covers, even though he lays stiff as a board and way closer to the edge of the bed than he needs to. You can live with that, you are just happy that he at least can be a little more comfortable and warm. 

“Joel?”

“Yes?”

“You can talk to me, you know? If you ever need it”

A beat of silence. 

“Yeah… I know darling.” 

Darling. You think your heart skips a beat by the endearing name and you let out a sigh as you finally close your eyes again. “Goodnight Joel” 

“Goodnight.” 

—

You wake again in the early hours of the morning. It’s a slow ease into consciousness, a much gentler awakening than you normally get to have. Your eyes are still closed, and the only thing you currently perceive is the warm safe feeling of complete comfort, still half asleep, you haven’t registered what contributes to this feeling, how Joel is embracing you in his sleep. 

Comfortably wrapped in a blanket in a soft bed and feeling the heat of someone’s body against you is a luxury you haven't felt in a long time. The comforting feeling of soft human touch makes you melt into it, and crave it from the very marrow of your bones. You stir slightly, letting out a content sigh as you slowly get pulled out of your sleepy daze, and that is when you realize the position you are in.    

Your back is pressed up against Joel’s chest and his strong arm is wrapped around your waist. Your legs are entangled under the covers and his steady warm breath fans over the back of your neck. The two of you must have instinctively reached for each other in your sleep, the presence of a warm comforting body too irresistible, nuzzling you against himself in his sleep.

Your heart skips a beat at the gentle touch, feeling like you are going to cry from the overload of human touch. There is no way you’re gonna be able to part from his embrace without waking him, but maybe you should? Even though you really don’t want to. You feel slightly guilty as you lie and listen to his steady heartbeat

You want to be selfish for a little longer, savoring the warm comfort of Joel’s presence beside you, enjoying how it makes you feel. It feels too damn good after all the years of loneliness and fear. You can’t deny that you are feeling things for Joel. He is an attractive man, there is no doubt there, but there is more to it. The glimpses you have gotten of who he is behind the gruff facade, the man he must once have been, has made you yearn to get to know more of that side of him. The way he always makes sure you and Ellie are feeling safe. The way he over time has softened up a bit. How he sometimes will go along with Ellie’s shenanigans. How he will tell you that he will take the first night shift, but then never wake you so you get to sleep the whole night. You have scolded him for this numerous times, but he still does it whenever he senses that you are just a little more tired than usual. 

You try to ease out of his embrace without waking him, but it only results in him hugging you tighter, pressing you closer towards him as he lets out a dissatisfied grunt like his subconscious wants you close. And it is now, as you are being pressed tighter up against him that you feel it, the press of his hard cock against the curve of  your ass. You let out a little gasp, as a hot shiver travels from your abdomen down to your now throbbing cunt.

You know that it’s just a physical reaction to have a body this close, he didn’t even want to share the bed with you in the first place, but you had insisted on it. As much as you dread having to face him in this position, you really should wake him.   

“Joel.” You whisper, moving your hand over the arm he has around you, gently brushing your fingers over the warm skin, waiting for him to wake. He stirs a little against your touch, but he does not loosen his grip on you. You hold your breath, feeling your pulse throb in your ears as you wait for a reaction. You just hope this won’t make him go back to being as closed off with you as he was in the beginning. You take a deep breath to brace yourself before you turn around in his grip so the two of you are laying face to face. Your movement seems to finally have pulled him out of his sleep. His eyes start to blink slowly as he is pulled out of his slumber, he murmurs your name, voice rough and raspy from sleep and it makes your heart skip a beat. 

His eyes are finally opening to look into yours, the warm umber of his irises is so beautiful, you have never seen them this near. His face is so close. You can see every detail, every crease and he is so damn gorgeous. Your mouth is so close to his, it would be so easy to just lean in and connect your lips in a kiss. You feel Joel’s body stiffening as he realizes the position the two of you are in, and you are scared that he will bolt out of the bed and leave you cold and alone, but he doesn’t. The two of  you are simply laying in silence for a long moment, looking at each other in the dim room, both of you engulfed by the other, but you finally collect enough composure to break the silence between you.

“Good morning.” You whisper into the quiet bedroom. 

“Morning.” His voice is so deep and still rough from sleep. It makes your stomach do a flip. Maybe it is just wishful thinking but you swear that his eyes swift down to your lips for a second. Maybe it’s just time to be brave? You reach your hand up toward his cheek, letting your palm hover about half an inch from his skin. You want him to decide for himself if he is comfortable with your touch. Fortunately, after only a short moment of hesitation, he leans into your hand, exhaling as your palm cups his cheek. You kind of expect him to pull away any minute, but he doesn’t. 

“I haven’t slept this well in a long time.” You confess.  

“Me neither.” You have never heard his voice this soft before and that is when it dawns on you. This is Joel Miller. Not the man that has had to survive in a world with no hope, or the man that has lost everything that made him whole. Right now you are looking into the eyes of the man he once must have been. And maybe right now you’re the woman you were meant to be, the woman you would have been if your future hadn’t been torn away from you by the collapse of the world. There is something magnetic about it. Like the two of you are being pulled together by an invisible force, drawn together in the early morning bliss, both of you learning into earth other. Your lips brush, a ghost of a touch. He shivers but he is  still not pulling away. 

“Can I?” He whispers, his soft breath fanning over your lips. 

“Please.” You manage to croak out, your entire body buzzing with anticipation.  

It is all he needs to hear before he crashes into you, his chapped lips colliding with yours. It has been too long since you have felt the firm pressure of a man’s mouth on yours. You kiss until your lungs start to burn, and you have to pull away to catch your breath. His hand moves down to the hem of your shirt, his fingers ghosting over the warm skin beneath it.    

“Is this okay?” He asks, sounding a little unsure. 

“Yes, Joel.” You assure him. “Kiss me.” You add and he does, sliding his hand under the cotton of your shirt palming the soft skin of your side. You moan into his mouth as his tongue meets yours. You kiss until you no longer know where he starts and you end and you are almost convinced that the two of you have melded into one being.  

“You’re driving me crazy.” He pants out as he finally breaks the kiss. All you can manage is to whimper in response as he moves his lips to your throat, licking and kissing a trail to the side of your neck. His hand slowly slides down from your side to the hem of your pants. 

“Do you want me to stop?” He murmurs into the skin just below your ear, before sitting up just slightly to look into your eyes. 

“No.” You shake your head slightly. “Please don’t stop, Joel.” 

You roll your hips a little, grinding against his strong thigh, needing him to understand how badly you want this. Something flickers in his eyes and he lets out a filthy guttural groan, flipping you over so you're laying under him.    

Your entire body is aflame by his touch, a feral urge for more. More skin, more contact. So you move onto his shirt. The material slightly withered and moth-eaten from the years of being tucked away in a drawer. You pull it off him, revealing his broad upper body. You pause, captivated by the look of him hovering over you. The scars across his skin, the sparse hairs trailing down from his navel to his pants.    

You wonder if he shaking because he’s cold or if he’s really just that eager for your touch. But it doesn’t really matter, either way, you’ll warm him up.

He slides his calloused fingers over the sensitive skin of your thighs, hooking them in the waistband of your panties, looking into your eyes. You nod at him, mouthing a ‘please’, spreading your legs a bit further. It is all he needs, an expression of filthy desire flickers over his face as he pulls your underwear down. Letting out a gasp as your soaked pussy gets exposed in front of him. His fingers slide along the insides of your wet lips. 

“Shit, you’re so wet. All this just for me?” He almost coo.

“Yeah. All for you, Joel.” 

“Wanna feel you come on my fingers.”   

“Fuck, want that too.” You whimper.                

He gives you a smile, dipping his head down to your shoulder, nuzzling his nose against the crook of your neck before kissing the soft skin under your ear. He makes sure to coat his fingers in your wetness before he begins to tease your clit. You let out a little gasp as he starts to draw slow light circles, but it doesn’t take long for him to pick up his pace and add a bit of pressure.

He teases your entrance, making sure to coat his fingers in your slickless before he slips one of his thick fingers into you. Another is soon added and you sigh at the sensation. He slowly pumps into you at first, giving you time to adjust to his digits, but he is soon picking up the pace.  

“That’s right darling.” He mutters against your neck. “Taking my fingers so well.”

He is going fast now, using his middle and index finger to fuck you while the ruff pad of his thumb is pressing on your clit and you can’t help but let out a few pathetic whines. He is hitting a perfect spot, so deep inside of you, and you feel your orgasm approaching, finally falling over the edge when he curls his fingers. 

“That’s right, just like that.” Joel groans as you clench around his fingers, slowing his pace slightly but still  pumping you through your orgasm in a steady rhythm. “Just like that, darling, doing so well.”

He lets you ride out your climax on his fingers until he finally pulls out of you, popping them into his mouth, sucking off your juices with a pleasant moan.    

“Fuck, Joel.” You pant out as you finally come down from your amazing high. 

“Good?” He asks, a sly smile on his lips. 

“Really good.” You ensure him, cupping his cheek with a gentle hand. “Want to make you feel good too.” You whisper, looking deeply into his eyes.

“Fuck, darling. I want to feel you so bad.” He confesses.  

“Want that too. Fuck, want that so bad” You pant, letting your thumb slide over his cheek as you admire his handsome face. And you do want him, but more than that, you need him.

He lifts himself from you to strip off his pants and underwear. Your eyes widen at the view of him. His hard cock springs free, throbbing and thick, laying heavy in his palm as he takes himself in his hand. It still looks huge, even in his big hand, so you can’t even imagine how enormous it will look in your smaller one. He pumps himself a few times before leaning down over you again. He guides his cock to your entrance, looking at you for permission, which you give with an eager nod, before slowly pushing inside you, stretching your pussy to its limits the deeper he goes. You feel so full, like he is splitting you open with his thick girth. You whimper as you take more and more of his cock until he is all the way in. 

“Fuck darling, you’re so warm, so fucking tight around me.” He groans before leaving a firm kiss on your lips. The two of you are laying like this for a little while, letting you adjust to his size until you can’t take it anymore. 

“Move.” Your voice is low and rasped. “Please.”   

With that, he lifts your legs, making you cross them around his lower torso as he pulls out of you, achingly slow until only the head of his cock is still inside of you before inserting all of it again in one fluid motion. You let out a gasp of pleasure. 

He starts out with a slow rhythmical pace. He is giving you sweet praise at first, then progressively dirtier, more lustful comments as he loses himself more and more, his thrusts getting faster and more desperate. He lets out a throaty groan as your hands grab his hair. The way he is now pounding his cock into you, deep and purposefully, makes you cry out in pleasure, your ears filling with his growls and moans. 

“Feeling so so good…” He says his eyes clenched tightly shut as he keeps thrusting into you with a savage speed. “I knew you would feel good, but damn.” He groans through gritted teeth. Joel is now moving with an urgency that has you seeing stars and you let out a cry of pleasure. 

“Shhh.” He murmurs, pressing a kiss to your lips to quiet you.  Ellie is, unlike you and Joel, a deep sleeper, but you would both be mortified if she heard the two of you, not wanting to traumatize the poor girl. 

“You are taking me so well.” He encourages. “So fucking good.” 

Your arms are desperately clinging to his back. His balls are hitting your skin and his cock is pounding into your soaked pussy, making a filthy squelching noise hit your ears. 

The pressure is beginning to build up in your lower stomach, the feeling is making your head go dizzy. He is bringing you closer and closer with every strong thrust of his cock.

“I-fuck… I'm close.” You babble. 

The knot in your stomach tightens and tightens until it all explodes inside you. Your walls clench down around him, sucking him in. You desperately cling to him as your climax washes over you, hands on his neck as you guide his mouth down to yours, you need him to kiss you through this. Your breasts are being squeezed against his chest, the feeling of his skin against your sensitive nipples makes you moan into his mouth.  

You whine out as you feel the warmth of his release filling you up. 

“Shit, shit, shit.” He detaches from your mouth. The panic from cumming inside you is clear on his face. He pulls out, some of his load landing on your stomach, but most of it still inside of you, the sudden empty feeling makes you let out a little whine. 

“Shit, I am so sorry, I shouldn’t have—” 

You know that he is right, he really shouldn’t have done it, but you can’t get mad at him you had been just as caught up in the feeling of him as he had been in you. You finished your cycle only a couple of days ago so you should hopefully be okay. 

You cup his cheek, planting a soft kiss on his lips. “I think we should be okay, just don’t make a habit of it.” You grin at him. 

He visibly relaxes at your words “I’ll make sure to pull out next time.” He assures you and your stomach flutters. Next time. You smile at his words.   

“How do you feel?” He asks. 

“Good.” You laugh lightly, pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I liked seeing this side of you.”

He sighs as he pulls you close. His chest vibrates against you as he speaks. “You’re going to be the death of me, aren’t you?” 

[saintismzz]

Loser!ellie headcannons .ᐟ (pt. 2)

(Warnings: Some NSFW ‘nd I think that's it, lmk if I missed anything !)

Loser! Ellie who fucking loves neck kisses (and kisses in general)

Loser! Ellie who claims she's fully capable of being away from you for long periods of time yet not even 10 minutes after you walk out the door to go to work, she starts calling/texting you.

Loser! Ellie who begged you to get matching pajamas with her until you just caved and ordered them😭

“Babeee just hear me out!” Ellie whined, shoving her phone in your face which on the screen had a picture of a couple wearing these adorable matching dinosaur onesies. “Els no. I'm not wearing fucking dinosaur pajamas..” You rolled your eyes playfully, pushing her phone away “But-” “No Ellie.” You cut her off. “Y'know what, fine then.” Ellie said, turning away from you. You look at your girlfriend sighing “Ellie do not..” you say chuckling playfully, you knew when Ellie didn't get her way it resulted in her giving you the silent treatment. “For fucks sake, give me the phone.” You say trying to sound annoyed but failing. “Fuck yes!” Ellie said in excitement handing you her phone so you could purchase the pajamas

Once you placed the order you sighed seeing your girlfriend smirking at you, “You're such a dick” you tease, obviously not meaning it “I love you too~” Ellie teases back an adorable giggle of excitement escaping her lips.

Loser! Ellie who would make these adorable paper rings for the two of you :( <3 (and you would wear yours everywhere you go)

Loser! Ellie who absolutely adores physical touch, but quality time and words of affirmations and are close 2nds

Loser! Ellie who clings to you like a little koala throughout the day

Loser! Ellie who cannot stay quiet during makeout sessions for shit. (I'm talking constant whining and small breathy moans in between kisses)

Loser! Ellie who likes watching you every move, she just finds it so fucking attractive how you manage to look so cute doing literally anything

Loser! Ellie who wrote cute songs for you before you guys started dating and would play them on her guitar without you realizing that the songs were actually about YOU

Loser! Ellie who scrolls through the texts between you and her while you're at work and gets off to any and every voice note and/or photo/video you've ever sent her (She's so fucking needy I swearrr)

Loser! Ellie who would find you 10x hotter if you could speak another language🙏❤ (like don’t get me wrong she'd love you regardless but this bitch is a sucker for other languages and accents)

Loser! Ellie who 100% prefers tits over ass 

Loser! Ellie who begs to watch Jurassic Park on your movie nights (despite having watched it with you a million times.)

Loser! Ellie who can't keep her hands off of you whatsoever

You and Ellie had gone out to a restaurant of your choice for your weekly date, sure Ellie wasn't much of a restaurant typa girl but she'd do anything if it meant seeing you happy. That night you had been wearing this beautiful wine red dress that hugged your body so perfectly, Ellie couldn’t help but stare at the way the dress showed off your every curve. She swore she was in heaven, not to mention how short the dress was, she was so tempted to glide her hand across your thigh just to get a reaction out of you. You, on the other hand, didn't even need to look over at your girlfriend to know that her eyes were roaming your body. 

“Hm? Something wrong Els?” you teased as she snapped out of whatever trance your body had on her “You're just s'pretty mama.. it's unbearable..” Ellie mumbled, before starting to play with the bottom of your dress, her hands almost finding a way underneath. “Baby, not here..” you mumbled tapping Ellies hand with your own as a signal for her to move it away. “Please babe~ I'll make it quick..” Ellie whispered as she nuzzled into the nape of your neck, placing soft kisses along your supple skin. You whined quietly feeling your girlfriends tongue and lips trailing along your neck up to your ear. “Fuck it.. just be quick..” you say trying your best not to lose your composure. Ellie grins and places her hand in yours standing up and directing you to the restroom. 

Loser! Ellie who likes picking dandelions and putting them in your hair at any chance she gets

Loser! Ellie who has a playlist she listens to on the daily of songs that remind her of you

Loser! Ellie who can’t pose in pictures for shit, like you'll be standing there doing a cute lil pose for the selfie you wanted to take of the two of you while Ellie either holds up a peace sign or just awkwardly stands like “🧍‍♀️”

Loser! Ellie who tells all her friends about you and tells them all the cute things you've said or done

A/N .ᐟ : Thank you guys sm for all the love on pt.1 (like deadass I'm so grateful) so I figured I'd make a part 2!

[marscardigan]

am I making you feel sick?

ellie williams x reader

part 2

Summary: after a fight with ellie, you decide to go for a walk. Little did you know, you weren’t alone in the woods.

Warnings: Verbal fight, normal tlou violence

It was another afternoon where you and Ellie went to check if the nearer cabins were free from infected. You loved going out with your girlfriend, even if the plan wasn't your favorite.

You were almost arriving at the last cabin when, without even noticing, your foot got stuck inside a bear trap. You let out a guttural scream when the iron claws bit your flesh. Ellie ran towards you, helping you to open it.

"Shit! Didn't you see it? Damn it, y/n" She hissed.

"I know, I know, I'm so- Fuck!" Ellie swiftly threw the trap away, covering your open wound with her hoodie. She then helped you to get up, grabbing your arm so you could pass it through her shoulders.

"We can go to the cabin and clean it up, then we can go back home"

The road to the cabin was longer than you expected, making your head dizzy from the tiredness. Or maybe you did feel sick for all the blood that you lost along the way. Ellie sat you on the floor, taking off the now red stained hoodie from your thigh.

"Holy s-" You were going to throw up if you saw how bad it was. Ellie called your name, locking gazes. "We won't be able to make it to Jackson tonight, fuck"

"I'm sorry Els, I-"

"No, don't apologize" She sighed, getting up to search for an aid kit Joel always kept inside these cabins. "But, if you're not capable of doing these missions, I don't know why you bother to come"

You then opened your eyes, the pain on your leg felt like nothing in comparison with the pain that was installed on your chest after Ellie's comment. "What are you talking about? What happened today was a mistake, I wasn't careful enough, I-"

"Exactly" Ellie stood up in front of you, crossing her arms. "You are not careful enough. What if some clickers heard you scream, huh? What if you actually lost your leg?"

You were quiet for a moment. "Ellie, don't say that. I always try to be careful outside."

"Yeah, you try, but maybe you don't try enough. What happened today may have been a mistake, but what about the other day, when you failed your shot? Or last week, when you tripped while running from an infected? You are going to get yourself killed. I don't even know why you came to all these missions if you are not ready for them."

Your girlfriend might be right, but at that moment, you needed comfort, not a scolding from her. "I came to all of these missions to be with you, and to help you"

"Maybe you could be a better help staying home" She spat.

You scowled at your girlfriend. "Sure thing, I can do that" You started to get up, hissing at the pumping pain of your thigh.

Ellie sighed. "No, wait, babe, you are injured"

"Don't come near, it's the last thing I need." You shook your head, still hurt for Ellie's words. "I think you should go."

"What?"

"Go" You couldn't look at her face. "I will come back home tomorrow" "You have to be crazy to think I'll leave you here, alone and injured" She spoke hurt.

"Fine, if you don't go, I'll leave." You went for the door, but Ellie got between your body and the door. "For god's sake, I need five minutes alone" You snarled. "You've gone too far"

You took advantage of her quietness to open the front door of the cabin. You needed some fresh air.

You started to walk as your injured leg allowed you, and before you even know it, it started to get dark. Your leg was killing you, so you decided it was best to sit down for a while. Taking a deep breath, you tried to change the bandage Ellie had put you, but before you could do anything, a sound you knew all too well made you shiver. A clicking noise.

[motherjoel]

arms tonite (joel miller/reader)

summary: basically its YOU who gets stabbed by the baseball bat. joel isnt good with feelings. david does not exist david cant hurt anybody. a bit of angst and a bit of fluff. also LOOSELY based on arms tonite by mother mother

a/n: yawlllllll it has been a MINUTE but i am back for some tlou cause i just really wanted to write for these characters i love so very much. i apologize if the timing of their travel is fucked, i truly have no concept of geography so we can ignore that.

wc: 3.5k

warnings: just general tlou gore, nothin too bad

-

-

You couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment you fell in love with Joel Miller. But as you lay here, Joel's hands soaked in your blood as he attempted to stop it from pulsating out of your abdomen, you knew it was love that you were feeling. It was supposed to be simple. After your brief stay in Jackson, the two of you were supposed to take Ellie to the fireflies. Yet, nothing seemed to be simple these days, especially not around this girl.

In the amount of time the three of you had spent together, you developed an unbreakable bond. Ellie became a sort of surrogate sister to you- you’d lost your family when you were just a kid during the outbreak and you never had the chance to become a big sister. At least not for long. And then there was Joel. You weren’t quite sure what he meant to you yet, but you’d be lying if you said you wouldn’t die for him. For both of them, really- a life without them wasn’t worth living. Of course, you never planned on telling them that.

The day started fairly nice- with Joel allowing Ellie to make her own decision about who would be taking her to the fireflies. Sure, you and Ellie would be fine with Tommy, but Joel had failed to consider the bond the three of you shared when making this decision. He was thinking of only himself and his fear- this is what you had told him last night after his fight with Ellie.

“What the hell was that?” you asked him after he stormed out of Ellie’s temporary room. 

“It was nothin’. Doesn’t concern you,” he replied, brushing past you as he made his way to the couch where he decided to set up camp for the night. 

“Um, it sure as hell does concern me, Joel. Are you seriously going to abandon us? After everything we’ve been through, after how much that girl trusts you, Joel!” you raised your voice a bit, trying to keep yourself from alerting Ellie upstairs. Those words stung him a bit. He didn’t see it as abandonment- he saw it as protection. After everything you went through together, he never once put himself first.

“She doesn’t know a thing about what this means,” Joel turned to you. “She- she’s just a kid, she-” he stopped himself, trying to gather himself. “I can’t bring her. I’m not capable, I’m slowin’ down and I just can’t. Do. It,” he exhaled, dropping himself onto the couch. 

“Wow,” you replied, softly sitting next to him. “You’re really underestimating yourself,” you sighed, Joel, lifting his face to look at you. “I mean, not only yourself but me, Joel. In case you’d forgotten, I’ve gotten myself through some tough shit. And Ellie? Man, she's the toughest kid I’ve ever met. Hell, she's one of the toughest people I’ve ever met,” you said, observing Joel’s worn face. “I mean… don't you think she at least deserves a choice?” you asked, hoping to convince Joel to come to his senses and realize who he was.

“I’ll take the couch. Bedrooms down the hall,” he grumbled before turning his back to you and lying down. There was nothing left you could say at this point, so you decided to spare yourself and make your way to the bedroom. The bed was pretty big. It could’ve fit two people.

The moment you saw Joel in the stables the next morning, you could feel your heart soar. Before he said a word, you knew he had made the right decision. The three of you squeezed onto the horse, Ellie sandwiched in the middle, and you were off. You and Joel sat in peaceful silence for a while, occasionally responding to Ellie’s rambling to show you were listening. Before you knew it, you were arriving at the so-called firefly base. 

“What the fu-” you started.

“Holy shit! Are those monkeys?” Ellie exclaimed, pointing at the crowd of animals before you.

“Must be from the old labs,” Joel muttered, a hint of interest in his voice

“Look at them go!” you giggled.

“First time seein’ a monkey?” Joel asked the two of you. 

“First time seein' a monkey,” you replied in unison, both awestruck. A smile crept onto Joel's face at this- the togetherness he felt in rare moments like this is what kept him going. 

You soon came across the fireflies symbol painted on a couple of signs, but no guards appeared nearby. You all dismounted the horse before making your way inside, guns drawn. You in the back, Joel in the front, and Ellie sandwiched between yet again. The building you came across was abandoned from the looks of it, with papers scattered about. 

“They just left,” Joel said, coming across a packing list among the scattered supplies. You suddenly heard a clang from another room, drawing your attention.

“Maybe not all of them,” you replied as the three of you carefully moved towards the sound. Your heart picked up its pace- whatever was in that room couldn’t be a firefly. Maybe a raider, you thought, which didn’t help your anxieties. Joel put a finger to his lips before opening the door, signaling for your silence. Relief rushed through you as you saw the source of the noise was just a few stray monkeys. It was only moments later that you heard voices- voices that certainly didn’t come from an animal. Peering out the window, the three of you saw a group of men, presumably raiders.

“Shit,” you murmured, instinctively grabbing Ellie’s arm.

“Out the back,” said Joel, leading the way for the three of you to make your escape. You ducked behind some sandbags for a moment before making your break to the horse. As Joel untied the horse, you heard footsteps quickly making their way over to you.

“Joel!” Ellie screamed as the man swung his bat at his head, hitting it on a tree and breaking it in two. While Joel dodged his attack you jumped on the man and banged him into the tree behind him before he knocked you back on your ass, banging your head on the ground. You’ve had your fair share of concussions, and you knew that's exactly what just happened to you. Joel quickly recovered from the first attack before grabbing the man, a wave of anger in his eyes as you’ve never seen before. His arm tightened around the man's throat, unrelenting in its strength. Struggle as he may, it wasn’t long before his neck was snapped. You remain on the ground, adrenaline pumping through your veins as you look at Ellie, shakily holding her gun. Her eyes darken as they shift down to your stomach. Your eyes follow hers and you finally see what she’s looking at. When the man hit the bat into the tree, it must've snapped in half. One half was on the ground a few feet away from you, while, unfortunately, the other half was buried in your stomach.

“Shit,” Ellie said, lowering her gun and walking over to you. Your hand reached down, adrenaline still pumping through your body, and you instinctively pulled the wooden piece out of your abdomen. You barely even felt it. Joel was silent the entire time, and you couldn’t quite tell what he was thinking. You threw it aside before noticing three more men coming your way. As fast as possible, Joel hiked himself up onto the horse and grabbed you while Ellie pushed from the ground before pulling herself up, you now sitting between the two. Joel didn’t let himself focus on the anxiety in his chest that blurred his vision- he needed to get you both to safety.

“Fuck,” you sighed, adrenaline wearing off a bit and pain seeping in. 

“Go!” Ellie yelled to Joel as you began to move. She grabbed her gun and shot backward at the men- she didn’t have the best aim, but it certainly deterred them from advancing anymore. Ellie kept peering over her shoulder, on high alert. If you weren’t putting all of your focus on staying conscious, you’d have noticed her slight tremble. You would have noticed Joel's body tense when your breathing slowed, his occasional glance over his shoulder. His erratic heartbeat as he tried to keep you talking.

“We’re gonna get back to Jackson and we’re gonna get some help,” Joel said over his shoulder. There wasn’t a hint of emotion in his voice- he was excellent at hiding how he truly feels. 

“No,” you uttered, using all of your strength.

“Sorry, no?” Joel questioned.

“Get her to the fireflies,” you whispered before your vision began to blur. Your lifeless body crumpled off the horse, Ellie attempted to hold on but it all happened too fast. The cold snow was stained red, the warm blood leaving your body melting the snow directly beneath you. Joel and Ellie quickly hopped down, one on each side of you. 

“Fuck fuck fuck,” Ellie panicked, hands shakily reaching towards your abdomen. 

“Ellie,” Joel said, voice laced with panic. He motioned for her to grab his pack while he placed his hands onto the wound, blood seeping through the gaps in his fingers. He had never felt so helpless in his life- at least, not since Sarah. That same shuddered breathing coming from a person he loves- he couldn’t bear it.

“Joel, what the fuck do we do,” she asked. Joel continued to silently work on packing your wound with an extra flannel he had in his bag.

“It’s ok,” you croaked. They immediately turned to you on the ground, almost stopping in their tracks. “Just help me to that house,” you said, motioning towards a house about 50 yards away. You were struggling to breathe under the pressure of Joel’s hands on your wound- it almost seemed useless, you were still losing blood like crazy. Joel tied the flannel around your waist to try to keep the blood from seeping out. Once he decided you were situated, he picked you up bridal style and led you to the house. When you arrived, they gently placed you at the entrance, Ellie staying with you while Joel made sure the house was clear. He returned to help you inside, lying you on an old mattress. You let out a small laugh as you got situated.

“What?” Joel asked, a hint of irritation in his voice. How could you be laughing right now?

“Don’tcha think it's kinda cute?” you asked as he fussed with your bandages.

“What’s that?” he asked gruffly, not exactly in the mood for your attitude.

“Oh, just that I might be dying in your arms tonight. I dunno, feels like a movie,” you said, your pale lips curling into a smile. He gave you a look, pausing briefly to peer into your eyes. You wordlessly pleaded with him to lighten the mood a bit, for Ellie’s sake. He didn't say a word.

“Joel, what the fuck do we do?” Ellie repeated herself in her panic.

“It’s ok. You guys go. Now,” you said. Joel's eyebrows furrowed at this. “You leave, go north. Go to Tommy.”

“Um, the fuck?” Ellie asked. “I don’t know what you think this is but we're not leaving,” Ellie said, frustration creeping into her voice. She looked hurt by this, and it broke your heart. Were you doing the same thing Joel had done just last night?

“The kids right,” Joel said as you turned to look at him. “You’re either comin' with us or we're all campin’ here for the night. No in-between” Joel finished. You pleaded to him with your eyes again, begging him to just give up on you. The two of them would be fine, you knew it. But you didn’t know the emotional toll it would have taken on the stubborn man in front of you. He was stubborn, but so were you. Only you didn’t get a chance to prove just how stubborn you could be before you couldn’t fight the darkness that crept into your vision. 

-

You woke with a start the next morning. You often woke in a panic these days, but the feeling was only further cemented when you realized you didn’t quite recognize your surroundings. The only thing you could recognize was Joel’s eyes on you, which brought you some semblance of comfort. When he noticed you awake, he rushed to your side. As much as you could imagine Joel to “rush.”

“Hey, you uh, awake. You’re awake,” he said softly, trying not to wake Ellie asleep in the corner of the same dilapidated room you’d been in for a while now. 

“It would appear so,” you replied, attempting to sit up a bit.

“Hey, hey, relax,” he put his hand on your shoulder, urging you to lay back down. “Your infections bad. We managed to trade for some penicillin but it's not gonna be enough. We gotta figure out how to get you back to Jackson,” Joel said, lightly lifting your shirt to look at the wound.

 You cursed the heat rising to your face as Joel's fingers brushed your bare skin. You’d never been intimate like this before, though this was barely intimacy. He hadn’t ever touched your skin like this- with such delicacy. You were fragile to him at this moment, and you needed to be handled with care. You hated being a burden, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t feel nice to be taken care of for once.

You were too busy focusing on your own reaction to this gesture to notice Joels. His hands shook as he cared for your wound, wincing as he saw that it really wasn’t getting any better. He didn’t know what this meant- he wasn’t a doctor by any means, but he knew this wasn’t good. 

You were in and out of sleep throughout the next day or two, letting the dull, throbbing pain lull you into sleep. It hurt to watch Joel and Ellie worry about you, especially because there was nothing you could do to help. Your days felt numbered- the amount of penicillin was scarce and you weren’t feeling any better. You barely had the strength to keep your eyes open, much less speak. 

“Joel,” you managed to croak- you couldn’t even spare the energy to seethe at the pain pulsating throughout your body.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” he replied, kneeling next to you. He only called you sweetheart when he needed something- what did he need from you now? To live? “Whatcha need?”

“You’re special, you know that?” you whispered, a tear rolling down your cheek.

“And why is that?” he asked, wiping the tear.

“You really know how to make a girl fall in love,” you smiled- this isn’t something you ever planned on telling him, but as you lie there, vision blurring around the edges as the darkness caved in on you, there was nothing else you wanted to say.

Joel felt panic consume him when your eyes closed.

“Hey, hey darlin’, wake up for me, okay?” he pleaded. Ellie stalked over, panic heating her chest. “Ellie, grab her legs,” Joel said. It was like he was kicked into a new gear- he was going to do whatever it took to keep you with him.

-

You didn’t know where you were. The walls were unfamiliar and white- stark and sterile. The first thing you noticed was the couch in the corner of the room, occupied by your two favorite people. Joel sat upright, arms crossed and eyes closed. His brows were furrowed like he was having some sort of nightmare. Ellie’s expression mirrored his, as she lay on her side with her head resting on his leg, arms curled into her chest. Your heart warmed at the sight- he was becoming a father figure to her, as much as he didn’t want to admit it. You tried to sit up, failing immediately as pain shot through your body. You winced, perhaps a little too loud, as Joel’s eyes shot open. Ellie remained in a deep sleep on his lap.

“You’re up,” he acknowledged, almost like it was too good to be true. He carefully shifted his body so he could move Ellie from his lap and onto the couch before he stood to walk towards you. “She hasn’t gotten much sleep, be best not to wake her,” he said, leaning down to brush a hair from her face. Seeing him be this gentle with her melted your heart. 

“How, um, how long was I out?” you asked, lifting the sheets to see your wound. It was covered and clean, but you knew it was there from the way it throbbed.

“About a week. Scared the shit out of… the kid,” he said, sitting on the edge of your bed. He bit back what he truly wanted to say- you scared the shit out of him. But he wasn’t going to admit that you had that much of an impact on him. The second he lets others affect his life is the second he gets weak. There wasn’t a place for vulnerability in this world. “It was, a, uh, miracle that you lived.”

“Oh yeah?” your eyebrows raised. “Shit. I’m sorry for worrying… her,” you glanced at Ellie again as she snuggled into the couch. “How did I, um how did you guys get me here?” you asked. Your voice was hoarse from lack of use, but you tried to remain strong.

“We, uh, we gotcha back on the horse. Ellie led the way, I made sure you were safe, I mean, I just made sure you didn’t fall,” he replied, looking at his feet. “Took us awhile to get back, I… I didn't think you were gonna make it,” he replied, coughing to cover up the break in his voice. He was still in disbelief that you even woke up.

“Well, it looks like you’re stuck with me,” you laughed weakly. Then it was silent for a few moments, the two of you stewing in your thoughts. “You know, I think if it had been anybody else with me, I would’ve just died,” you remarked. Joel shook his head.

“Well, that’s not true. You’re strong” he said quietly.

“Well, yeah, sure I’m strong. But I can choose not to be. I honestly would’ve been fine to die if it was in your arms. But I couldn’t do that to you. Not… not again,” you paused, gathering your thoughts. “It’s just… you’re it for me, Joel. You and Ellie- you guys are it. And if I can’t have you guys, well, let's just say I wouldn’t mind staying asleep,” you confessed, avoiding eye contact.

“Ahem…” you heard Ellie clear her throat from her position on the couch. “Sorry, I have a habit of snooping, but holy shit you’re awake!” she squealed, bouncing over to you and plopping herself onto you in a hug. She knocked the wind out of you, and you may have cared if you weren’t so happy to see her.

“Hey, hey, easy on her now,” Joel said, pulling Ellie back from you a bit. He was still quiet, processing what you had just said to him.

“Ahhh, my sweet Ellie girl, how I missed you so,” you smiled, pinching her cheeks.

“Bullshit, you were definitely just dreaming about Joel the whole time. Must’ve been nice, sleeping that long,” she laughed. You ignore the first part of her sentence.

“Yeah, I guess I’m pretty well rested,” you smiled, ruffling her hair and pulling her into another hug.

“I’m gonna go get someone, a nurse,” Ellie excused herself from the room, leaving you with Joel yet again.

“I’m sorry if that was too mu-” you started before Joel cut you off.

“No, no, don’t apologize, sweetheart,” he said softly. It wasn’t a whisper- it was just soft. He’d been so soft with you. “I… I can’t say I don’t feel the same,” he looked down at his shoes.

“Oh, uh, you do?” you blushed. You felt so childish, like you were admitting you had a crush on him, but it was more than that. It was a partnership, a dependency- a loyalty to one another that didn’t need a label. Only, you couldn’t hide the way you felt anymore.

“Gosh, I can’t even tell you how it felt to see you like that. It should’ve been me, you know,” he said, disappointment evident on his features.

“Um, no, it shouldn’t have. Besides, how would we have gotten your big ass back to Jackson?” you giggled, grabbing his hand. His expression changed then as he looked down at your intertwined hands. “Joel, what does this mean?” you asked.

He chose not to respond with words- they were never his strong suit. Without a word, he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on your lips. It was soft and it was sweet and it was like nothing you had ever experienced before- not from someone you loved. You reciprocated, weaving a hand into his hair to pull him closer.

“Yeah, they’re just in here-woahhhhhhh!” Ellie yelled, giggling and running out of the room. Joel quickly pulled back and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

“That little shit,” he sighed.

“Well, she was gonna have to find out somehow,” you giggled, pressing a kiss to his bruised knuckles.

[papipedroo]

Unwelcome (Joel Miller x Reader)

Part Three of Whiskey Tears

Rated: Angst | Violence | Fluff | Suggestive | Age Gap | Assault | Language

Summary: You, Joel, and Ellie have been a trio from the start. You were a family, but you find your relationship with Joel withering when he starts to pull away. Now a new comer makes her way into Jackson and into Joel’s heart…

“Joel.”

Two months have gone by since that day and everything seemed to be slowly slipping away from your fingers. You were having trouble adjusting, but you were having even more trouble at the thought of loosing Joel.

“Joel.” Your fingers wrapped around his arm and you gently shook him.

He didn’t touch her or kiss her, but her presence was just there. Always around him. Always driving a wedge between the two of you.

“Joel. It’s time to wake up.” You spoke softly.

It hurt and so you argued more than you ever have. Even before when you were a firefly, neither of you argued this much. You argued until there was nothing left. Until your breath could barely keep you alive.

His eyes opened to find you kneeling beside him on the floor. You were beautiful… You were always beautiful to him. He glanced to the window where the sun was already high up in the sky.

“Where are the others?” He asked.

“Ellie is at the barn again, apparently she’s got a real knack in taking care of the horses. You two might just get your sheep farm on the moon soon.” You spoke softly as you brushed loose curls away from his face.

His hair was getting longer and it made you smile, “You need a haircut love.”

“Don’t wanna do it.” He mumbled.

“I’ll do it later tonight.” You rubbed your thumb against his cheek, taking in the precious moment between the two of you.

He leaned into your touch making your heart jumped before worried settled in at the dark circles under his eyes.

“You need to stop sleeping on the couch Joel.” You sighed as you rubbed his arm, “You need your bed.”

“But you need—” He began to say, but you didn’t let him finish.

“I know.” You sighed before getting up, “Come, we have to meet with Maria and Tommy soon. Maria says she has some good news.”

Joel nodded his head as he sat up, his back aching from the couch. If only he was younger, this would feel like nothing. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so insecure when it came to you. He silently got up and made his way to the bathroom to get ready.

You were pouring him some coffee when he appeared in the kitchen.

“Your shirt is on backwards.” You spoke teasingly.

“Shit.” He muttered as he took off his shirt because you were in fact right.

You couldn’t help the way your eyes raked over his chest. He wasn’t overly fit, but he had muscles where it count. Your cheeks heat up as you remember the night you were able to touch him, run your hands across his chest over each scar he had. You didn’t realize how much you missed that and the only thing you could do is bite your lip to keep yourself from hopping across the counter and jump him.

“And what about Heather?” Joel asked once his shirt was fixed.

You took a sharp breath and your feelings turned sour, “She’s with Mikel.” You explained shortly.

His brows furrowed, “Mikel is supposed to be on patrol today.”

You nodded your head, “He’s going to be teaching her the ropes now that she’s been here for a while and settled in.”

“I could have done that.” He stated gruffly, “After what she’s been through, she is not very trusting towards anyone.”

You took in a sharp breath, “Everyone has been through something Joel.” You said carefully, “I asked Maria about it and we agreed Mikel would be a great fit for her. I was on a route with him when you disappeared, he’s my age and very capable of protecting her if need be.” You encouraged, “Besides, you and I go on patrol, you wouldn’t have the time to do both.”

“So you decided this on your own without asking me about my opinion?” He asked gruffly, a sharp edge to his tone.

You looked down at the counter. You were too embarrassed to admit that you did decide without asking him because you were scared he wouldn’t choose you.

“It’s you and I.” You stated as your voice wavered, “It’s been you and I.”

Silence grew between the two of you.

“Not always.” He finally said in a tone so soft you wouldn’t think it would come from Joel Miller himself.

And boy did what he say hurt you then any physical fight you have ever been in. What could you say to him? To be able to have him hold you in his arms again? To stop dragging you through rusted nails… You just wanted to stop hurting and he just kept pounding on the nails with a hammer.

“I am here now.” Your voice wavered, “Standing right in front of you. I am here, alive and bleeding out to you.”

You could see the wavering look in his eyes, “You’re too young.”

You held your ground, “You can’t keep pushing me away Joel.”

He shook his head, deciding that staring at the wall behind your seemed more interesting then the tears forming in your eyes, “I can’t do that to you.”

“Do what?” You quickly walked around the counter to face him, “Love me? Because if so why did you kiss me huh? Why did you touch me? Why give me hope that you could actually love me back? Tell me then. Tell me that you don’t love me.”

Your fury grew when his silence lingered.

“Tell me Joel!” You yelled at him and in that moment you were glad that Ellie wasn’t in the house.

He didn’t answer… He didn’t want to because he knew what he would say and he knew that would be the end of him. Instead he turned and did what he always did… Keep everything buried.

“Come on. We’ll be late.” He turned and walked to the front door without touching the coffee you made him.

You glared at him with nothing with but a heart filled with fiery, “It’s because you love me too. Isn’t it?”

His shoulders stiffened, but that was all the answer he would give you as he walked away.

You gave a small sigh before following after him.

It was long before you were hopping up the steps to Tommy and Maria’s home. Joel trailed behind you as you knocked on the door.

Not even a moment later and Maria was greeting you with her famous smile.

“Good morning.” You returned her smile and gave her a hug.

She gave you a tight squeeze, “Good morning.” She ushered you both inside, “Tommy’s making breakfast or at least trying to.”

“Oh boy.” You breathed out a laugh as the two of you followed her into their little breakfast nook by the kitchen.

“Mornin.” Joel greeted his brother.

You pulled out Joel’s chair before taking your seat as Maria brought over two mugs of tea.

“Thank you, I needed this.” You breathed out as you held the mug.

Your eyes then flickered to Joel pulling out a chair and sitting across from you.

Of course he’d do that. You sighed. Always one for the dramatics.

You were upset that he didn’t want to sit next to you, but you figured it was because of the conversation you both had earlier. Maria took a seat beside you instead, a small smile on her face as she watched Tommy bring over what was a poor attempt at omelets.

“Don’t say one word.” Tommy’s voice was playful as he barely scolded Maria.

Maria raised her hands up in mock surrender, “I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to.” Tommy huffed with a small laugh as he took his seat as the head of his table.

“I think that food speaks for itself.” Joel joked.

“It looks… Edible none the least.” You murmured as you picked out egg shells, “You wont hear me complaining.”

“It’s perfect hunny.” Maria smiled as she leaned over a placed a kiss on Tommy’s cheek.

Your heart melted at the sight and an ache filled it. You could only dream of being that way with Joel… The things you would do just to get that man to show you that he loved you too.

The rest of breakfast was going over the upkeep of Jackson and the repairs that needed to be done. Apparently Liza and Julio’s spotted one of the perimeter fences on the east wall being bent inward from the snow the has been pilling up against it and some of the vegetables aren’t doing so well with the cold.

“We should get a group together to fix the fence first.” You said, “I can help out as well.”

“As for the vegetables… This winter is a lot worse then the previous ones we’ve had. We will have to make do with the vegetable we got until we get to warmer weather.” Maria stated.

“That sounds good.” Tommy agreed, “And I will put together a team after our breakfast to start working on the wall. I’ll let you know if we need any help, but thank you for the offer.”

“Of course Tommy.” You nodded your head.

“I also want to switch patrol routes with Mikel.” Joel announced at the table as breakfast was beginning to come to an end.

You looked away from your food and towards him within a second of his words appearing from his mouth, “Why? I thought our route for this week was pretty good.”

“No. I want Mikel to start taking you out on patrol.” He stated simply.

You dropped your fork, “Why? Did I do something wrong? Is this about earlier?”

“No.” He said again and you swore it was his favorite word, “You said it yourself. He’s younger and stronger. That means he can protect you.”

“I don’t want him to protect me.” You glowered, “I have you.”

“No. You don’t.” He stated gruffly, “You can’t rely on me forever.”

“I’m not relying on you! I pull my weight just as much as you do. We’re a team and you can’t just split us up.” You yelled at hi, “I won’t let you.”

He stood up abruptly with a scowl, “Enough! Fuck just listen to me for once! I’m doing this for you!”

“For me?” You stood up as well with a scoff, “You know what, I’ll listen to you when you start making sense Joel!”

“I don’t want you! Can you listen to that?!” He yelled and suddenly the room went silent.

“Fuck you Joel.” You murmured before storming away.

“Have your fucking switch then! See if I care!” You yelled before slamming the door.

“Good job Joel.” Maria rolled her eyes. She stood up and began to collect the dishes, “When are you going to stop being an asshole and realize that you need her just as much as she needs you?” She stated before walking away to put the dishes in the sink.

She rushed to the door to put on her shoes and coat before going to find you. You were more important to her than some dirty dishes that she can clean later.

Joel sighed as he slumped down into his seat.

“What’s going on brother?” Tommy asked.

Joel didn’t speak, not for a few minutes. He was trying his best to keep himself from loosing his shit.

“Nothing.” He mumbled.

“Well that’s a stupid answer coming from you.” Tommy laughed.

“I’m old Tommy.” Joel sighed.

“Yeah.” Tommy laughed, “We’re all old and what’s your point?”

“She’s not.” He stated simply.

A realization dawned across Tommy’s voice, “Is that why you are pushing her away?”

“She deserves more than an old man.” Joel sighed in defeat, “I just wish she would see that.”

“That’s not for you to decide.” Tommy pointed out, “That’s her decision and I can see that she’s not going to change it.”

“But I can help her change it.” Joel said as he looked up at his brother, “Just help me make her see that. That Mikel kid or whoever could be good for her. She needs someone her age and I need someone my age. That’s how it should be.”

“So what? Is that why you’re so attached to Heather? Because you feel like you’re not enough for the girl who has been in love with you for months just because she’s a little younger?”

“It’s not just a little younger.” Joel grumbled,

Tommy shook his head as he stood up, “I’m not going to help you break her heart.”

“You did this with Ellie too and look how that turned out?”

Tommy placed a hand on Joel’s shoulder, “You deserve happiness too, brother.”

“And she deserves someone who is strong enough to protect her.” Joel replied, a solemn tone to his voice.

You soon found yourself scrubbing aggressively at the bar counter.

“Fuck him.” You grumbled as you cleaned, “And not in the good way. Not like he’s been wanting that lately.”

Maria nodded her head, “I’ll admit he is being a dick.”

“Who’s being a dick?” Ellie hopped up on a barstool.

“Joel.” You and Maria both said at the same time.

That is until you did a double take to see that it is Ellie.

“Aren’t you supposed to be working at the barn?” You asked inquisitively, “What are you doing here?”

“I finished all my tasks and saw you both in the window. Why is Joel being a dick?”

“Sweetie, you can’t call him that.” You scolded her lightly, “And he’s not… He’s just…”

“Being a dick.” Maria stated simply.

Her input made the three of you burst out laughing. You smiled at the lighten mood as you reached for a glass. You poured Ellie some water before setting it infront of her.

“Can’t I get some of that?” She asked, pointing to your glass that you were currently filling with whiskey.

You shook your head, “Not until you’re old enough.”

“But it’s the apocalypse?” Ellie looked at you confused.

“Doesn’t mean someone as young as you can drink.” You crossed your arms.

Ellie sighed, “Yes mom.”

“Maybe just talk to him later tonight. Find the real reason about his decision.” Maria advised.

I nodded my head before looking at Ellie, “I’m not going to lie to you. Joel and I are arguing. Can you please stay with Maria and Tommy tonight so I can talk to him?”

Ellie nodded her head slowly, “Why are you two arguing? Is it because of Heather cause if so I don’t like her.”

I sighed, “It’s hard to explain and even harder to talk about it. I won’t talk badly about your dad, not in front of you.”

It was late by the time you went home after you dropped Ellie off at Maria and Tommy’s. They gave you some good news that cheered you up a bit. It might just be the change you both needed. Now all you had to do was tell him. You were just trying to get the courage to step inside your front door.

You finally stepped inside and was met with the lights being on, but no one around.

“Joel?” You called out to him as you took your shoes off.

He didn’t answer you, but you could hear soft muffled voices coming from upstairs. You took a step, each one leading you up the stairs and down to Joel’s room… The door was already wide open and an unwelcome feeling filled your gut as you got closer. You weren’t sure if you wanted to know what lied behind the doorway.

Your body however, carried you into the room. Relief filled your chest at seeing the bed empty and left how you made it in the morning. You glanced around the room to the light that flooded out from the bathroom. You stepped closer to the door, a female laugh fluttering from it making your stomach twist and your chest tighten at what you saw.

Joel sat on a stool that was definitely taken from the kitchen and a bath towel draped around him. Heather stood with a pair of scissors as she cut at the ends of his hair. This was thing that you were supposed to do not her.

“You’re cutting his hair.” Your voice was dull as you repeated what you saw.

“Oh! Yes, I forgot my hair tie when I left this morning so I came back and overheard you telling Joel that he needed a haircut and I thought I might help out and give him one.” Heather smiled at you.

You bit the inside of your cheek. Your gaze flickered to Joel’s who was staring at you from the mirror. He could see the fallen expression on your face and the way that you were holding back your tears.

“I think she can finish my hair Heather.” Joel said without taking his eyes off of you.

“But…” Heather tried to say something else, but he cut her off.

“Thank you.” He said simply.

Heather released a huff before walking towards you and handing you the scissors before leaving.

“C’mere.” He spoke with a gentleness in his tone that you haven’t heard in months. That tone always made you shiver and you felt like he knew that. Of course he did, he’s fucking observant when he wants to be.

You felt like your emotions were going to explode as you stepped towards him. The events of earlier today and now walking in on seeing the person you wanted to punch in the face touching your Joel’s hair… You were either going to punch the man or kiss him depending on his explanation.

“I know you wanted to do it, but she was insistent that she could do it because she used to cut her husband’s hair before he died and she missed it… I had a hard time saying no.” He explained carefully as if he were talking to a stray cat and maybe you were in that moment, but his explanation seemed to apease you enough.

You nodded your head. You didn’t want to argue, not after today. You ran your fingers through his hair before taking a few strands to trim.

“I don’t like how we left off earlier.” You spoke softly.

“I know.” Joel sighed, “I don’t either.”

“I really don’t want to go on patrol with Mikel. I want to stay with you.” You pleaded lightly.

Joel furrowed his brow, “That’s not up for debate.”

“It shouldn’t even be on the table.” You muttered as you took another strand of his hair, a huff passing your lips in frustration, “I don’t like the way she cut your hair.”

Joel chuckled and warmth filled your stomach at the sound, “Then fix it firefly.”

You continued to cut Joel’s hair the way you knew he liked it. The way that it made you want to run your fingers through his hair every second of the day. After some time in a peaceful silence, you spoke up to tell him about the news you heard from Maria and Tommy when you dropped Ellie off earlier.

“I have some good news.” You spoke timidly, “About Heather.”

“What is it?” He asked.

“Well… Maria and Tommy just informed me that Tris will gladly take Heather as a roommate. Apparently, they’ve been getting along really well together since Heather arrived here. Tris’s house is as big as ours and she says feels lonely having the house to herself.”

Joel took a moment to respond before he asked, “Does Heather know about this yet?”

“Not yet.” You whispered, “Maria and Tris are going to come by for lunch tomorrow to talk it over.”

“I see.” Joel nodded.

“Hey.” I giggled lightly as I barely smacked him on the shoulder, “Don’t move your head or do you want to go bald?”

“I prefer my hair thanks.” Joel grumbled with a small chuckle.

You smiled when he held still, “Better.”

When you finished trimming his hair it looked much neater and yet it had an un-tameness to it that made you bite your bottom lip. You felt a terrible idea pop into your head as you set the pair of scissors down before standing behind Joel. He looked at himself in the mirror with contomept.

“It looks good.” He agreed with your thoughts.

You ran your fingers through his hair as if you were smoothing it out until your fingers curled and you began to massaged his scalp.

His reaction was almost immediate as he leaned back against you on the stool. You could see his eyes roll to the back of his head as he let out a quite hm. It made you want to laugh at how pliable he was when you massage his head.

“I like it too.” You murmured to which he couldn’t quite process.

“Mm.” He agreed.

“How was your day?” You asked when you spotted the way his face scrunched up in pain when he moved his body.

“Had to rebuild that fence, go huntin with Tommy.” He murmured with a grunt, “Found a buck.”

“You must be exhausted. It was really cold today.” You continued to massage his head.

“Twas nothin.” He replied, but you knew better. You knew how sore he could get after a long day.

“I think it’s time we should head to bed, hm?” You asked in a soft tone as to not startle him.

“Mmhm.” He agreed without a second thought.

You leaned down a pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head, “Come on then.”

You took the towel off his shoulders before leading him to his bed. He was too exhausted to argue with you as you made him lie down. You took his jeans, leaving him in his boxers and shirt as you covered him with his blanket.

“Good night Joel.” You whispered to him.

Your plan was to sleep on the couch tonight so that he could get some rest. You quietly slipped out of the room once you headed his breath even out. Your footsteps padded across the cold wood floors. You made sure to grab an extra blanket before padding over to the couch that Joel’s been using as a bed this past week. Of course his blanket was neatly folded on the side table with his pillow placed on top.

A small hum slipped passed your lips as you began to make your bed for the night. Hopefully it will be as comfortable as Joel has tried to make you believe.

“You’re really desperate aren’t you.” A voice carried its way from the kitchen entrance.

“Excuse me?” You turned to Heather with a shocked look.

“Desperation it’s dripping off of you like melted snow.” Heather said as if she was talking about the weather, “And your insecurity too, very unflattering might I add. When did your father die? I just want to know when your daddy issues started or have you always had a thing for older men?”

I stood up straight as I glared at you, “Just what’s your plan here? You really think you can throw insults at me and I would just crumble?”

“Oh I’m not insulting you at all. I’m just saying what I see and I don’t see much. Goodnight.” She smiled before walking away, leaving you there fuming.

What in the world was that about?

“I can’t wait for her to get out of my fucking house.” You muttered as you lied down on the couch.

You came to as you felt the warm glow of the sun hit your face. You stretched your arms as you yawned, rolling over to stretch further on your bed. Only you weren’t on your bed and you soon felt gravity as you fell onto the floor with a thud.

“Ow…” You groaned as you blinked your eyes open.

“Mornin.” Came Joel’s deep voice that felt like melted butter and whiskey.

“Fuck… Don’t do that.” You groaned as you rubbed your eyes with the palms of your hand.

His brows furrowed in confusion, “Do what?”

“Say mornin’ like you just came back from doing hard labor.” You huffed.

“But I did just come back from doing that.” He chuckled.

He did? Wait. Is his shirt off?

“Huh?” You asked dazed.

You tilted your head to find him leaning against the entry way with a mug of coffee in his hand, shirt intact. A bubble of disappointment filled your face until you spotted his smirk.

Shit… He knew what I was thinking. Of course he did.

You grumbled incoherent words, no doubt insults towards the older man as you stood up.

Joel watched you get up, he couldn’t help it. His eyes traced the skin visible from where your shirt had risen up as you slept. It was only, but a second before he shook those unwelcome thoughts away.

“Talked with Tommy, Ellie wants you to work with her at the barn.” Joel relayed the message he was given, “She’s waitin for ya.”

“Work at the barn? But I’m not that good with horses…” You sighed lightly in defeat, “But for Ellie, I’ll go get ready.”

“Atta girl.” He was grinning now and you knew he was remembering the last time you tried to saddle up your horse.

You weren’t bad at taking care of and saddling up horses so to say… You just weren’t that good at it either.

“Don’t.” You muttered.

“Wasn’t going to.” He mused as he took a sip of his coffee.

You padded over to him and reached your hand out, “Gimme.”

He raised an eyebrow at you, “Get your own, firefly.”

“I don’t want to get my own. I just want a sip. Please.” You reached towards his mug again.

He didn’t even try to pull it away from you. He just let you grab the mug out of his hand and drink the coffee he made for himself. How he was, the way he acted… It was like before.

Was this all because I massaged his head? You mused to yourself as you took another sip of his coffee. You couldn’t take your eyes off of his rugged handsome face. He looked a lot more rested. You noted.

You also noticed the way his eyes seemed to be staring at the way your lips wrapped around the rim of his mug.

“Morning you two!” The spry voice had you jumping.

You had forgotten that she was here.

“Morning.” Joel greeted.

You nodded at her, not wanting to greet her with a good morning after the way she spoke to you last night. You wondered if you should tell Joel what she said… Then you wondered if he would believe you over her.

He was in such a good mood though, you didn’t want to ruin anything.

“Tris and Maria are coming by for lunch, they want to talk to you about something.” You said to her as politely as you possibly could.

“They did? Well I don’t have any work today so I suppose I can tidy up the house a bit and make lunch for when they arrive.” Heather agreed.

As long as she agrees to moving out then I don’t care what she does.

Heather then poured herself a cup of coffee before looking towards Joel, “Do you want a cup handsome?” She asked him with a light tone.

A scowl made its way onto your face. You held up the mug you were holding towards her.

“He’s got some, but thanks.” You stated smugly as you handed Joel his coffee mug back.

He brought his mug up to his lips and took a sip from where your lips were just moments before. He looked none the wiser at the two women about to scratch each other’s eyes out. Of course he didn’t. Joel was never good at feelings.

You could see a scowl quickly appear and disappear on Heather’s face before she was back to her cheerful self.

“Okay, well there’s more here if anyone wants some.” She said before taking a sip.

You left the two and emerged fifteen minutes later dressed and ready to head out. Joel who was now sitting at the kitchen table with Heather talking about how Joel had to go help his brother today so he couldn’t help Heather clean the house.

You stepped up beside Joel, standing next to him while he remained seated. You ran your right hand through his freshly trimmed haircut, something that he didn’t mind at all.

“I’m going to head out to see Ell’s. Do you want me to pick up anything while I’m gone?” You asked him and only him.

Heather was leaving soon. You thought dismissively. Good riddance.

“We’re out of carrots. Maybe the two of you can stop by the garden and pick some up?” Joel asked.

You nodded your head as your hand traveled down to the side of his neck, “Anything else?” You asked as you rubbed the sliver of skin that wasn’t hidden by his flannel.

“No…” Joel said, his voice much lower than before as he glanced down at his coffee mug.

You gave Heather a triumphant look before stepping away, “See you later.” You waved them off before leaving.

It wasn’t long before I was met with an excited Elli who jumped on my back the moment she saw me.

“Soooo? How did it go? Was my leaving all for not?” She pressed, wanting to get all the gossip, “Shall I get my pitchfork?”

“I think everything went well.” I said as I smiled softly to myself.

I carried her over to the stables, trying my best not to topple over with the growing girl. I aware she was getting taller by the day.

“Maria told me that Heather’s finally leaving!” Ellie fist pumped the air by my head, “Dude, I swear she is weird as hell. Definitely hiding a bomb or something.”

I laughed as I set her down by the barn doors, “I couldn’t agree with you more.”

I faced her with my hands on my hips, “Now little bug. What is our mission today?”

A wide grin spread across her face as she clapped her hands, “Have you ever trimmed hooves before?”

My face fell, “Don’t tell me…”

“Yep!” Ellie exclaimed, “Get ready to possibly be bit, stepped on, and kicked.”

My eyes widened at her words.

“Let’s get to it!” Ellie stated as she grew open the barn doors.

“Oh boy.” I sighed, but followed my daughter nonetheless.

The sun was high in the sky by the time you and Ellie were walking down our street. The two of you were holding hands as Ellie swung your linked hands as hard as she could. Your other hand was carrying a small bag of carrots that Joel had asked for and you hoped he’d be pleased that you remembered.

The two of you were laughing as Ellie recounted your great fail at trying to keep Buttercup still.

“I still can’t believe she pushed you over.” Ellie laughed as you both walked into the house, “Joel!” She yelled.

The two of your were giggling as you entered the living room to find the two of them on the couch. Heather was in a mess of tears, clinging to Joel who was trying to console her.

“Uh…” Ellie’s voice trailed off in confusion, “What’s going on?”

You left to place the bag of carrots on the kitchen counter before returning to the living room to listen to Joel explain.

“She’s having a panic attack.” Joel explained as Heather buried her face into his shirt.

He was quick to pull her into his side and settle her. That movement made you frown as you watched the two. Why the hell is she snuggling up to him? Why is he allowing it?

“About what?” You asked as you looked between the two skeptically.

“About leaving. She doesn’t want to go.” Joel explained.

“I’m sorry!” Heather sobbed and you couldn’t tell if she was really crying or if she was that good of an actress.

“It’s just I don’t feel comfortable around anyone else.” She continued, her voice laced with guilt and remorse.

“What do you mean? You and Tris get along great. I know that because she told me that herself.” You crossed your arms, not buying the ‘I’m scared act’, “She said that you two go out for lunch together almost everyday.”

“I know, but that’s different than living with someone. She’s the first friend that I made here and I just don’t want to ruin it. I can’t bring myself to leave, I’m so sorry dear.” Heather carried on as she wiped her tears.

You sighed, not liking the idea of trying to console her, but you would use any means if it would get her out. It’s been weeks now and you’ve just about had enough, especially after last night.

“I’m sure to won’t be too bad.” You tried to persuade her, “It might be nice living with someone your age.”

“But you have proved it yourself that’s not the case.” She countered as she motioned to Joel and Ellie.

“I’m just gonna go…” Ellie made a motion to go upstairs and you nodded before she ran away.

Lucky girl.

“I don’t want to be a burden to any of you. I really am sorry for my decision, please don’t hate me.” Heather insisted, “I really would love for us to be friends.”

You tried not to roll your eyes. Like hell you want to be friends and you you’ve been a burden since you set foot through my door.

“I’m sorry, hate you?” You huffed as you popped your hip out with a knowing look, “After what you said last night, that word doesn’t even cover it. So yeah I do. Now get the fuck out of my house.”

“Be nice.” Joel scolded with a low tone directed towards me.

“You don’t know what she—“ You tried to explain what happened last night. How small she made you feel, but Heather wouldn’t allow it.

She leaned into Joel as her panic attack rose, “I didn’t say anything I swear I didn’t. I just want to belong here. You saved me Joel, please don’t abandon me. I can’t bear the thought of being alone.”

“I won’t abandon you… You can stay here.” Joel insisted which made your blood boil.

Was he being serious right now?

“Joel.” You turned your attention to him, trying your best to keep from shouting, “Can I talk to you for a minute in private?”

Joel nodded his head before following out to the front porch.

“You can’t let her stay.” You said the moment the door shut behind you both.

“She said that she thought it over some more and she wouldn’t feel comfortable living with someone she doesn’t really know.” He sighed.

But she’s been living with us. I wanted to say, but I held my tongue.

“Please just trust me.” You grabbed his arm with a pleading look on your face, “I’m being serious right now Joel. You don’t know her that well. Hell, none of us do. I swear she’s been acting strange the moment you brought her here. First my room, then breakfast and taking over my tasks, trying to cut your hair. Not to mention the fact that she said that I—”

You could see the way his face came to a conclusion of something and you had hoped that maybe then he was realizing what you had been seeing since day one, but of course… You were wrong.

“You’re jealous.” He stated simply.

“What?” You shook your head at the audacity of this man, “No, I’m not.”

He pulled his arm from your grip, “Yes. Yes you are. That’s why you’ve been acting like she has some kind of vendetta against you. She told me you were jealous and that’s why you have been mean to her, but I didn’t think you would go this far to push her out of our lives after the horror she’s experienced.”

You felt a strong punch to your gut as you listened to him speak. The way he spoke about her as if your feelings meant nothing to him made you want to scream.

“She’s the nicest person in this town and has been nothing, but kind to you and Ellie. She’s scared and you’re only making it worse for her to settle in here.” He finished with a sigh.

She doesn’t know us. You don’t understand. Why won’t you listen? You thought angrily.

“Are you being serious right now?” You glared at him, “You’re… You’re defending her over me?”

“I’m not defending no one. I’m saying that you’re taking this too far.” He ran a hand through his unruly hair with a huff, “You need to put your feelings aside for me and realize that she just wants to feel at home somewhere. After what she’s been through, she needs comfort and we can give that to her.”

Angry tears formed in your eyes, but you held them back. You couldn’t believe what Joel was saying and it hurt how much he wasn’t listening to you.

“Fuck you and fuck her comfort! I don’t feel comfortable! Right now. Right here. Hell, this past week I have felt anything but comfort. I feel unwelcome in my own home Joel.” You cried out.

“Don’t do this firefly. You need to start letting people in. That’s what you told me when we first met remember?” He placed a hand on your shoulder, “Who knows… Maybe it’s best that she stays. The three of you can help each other feel at home here.”

“Her help us? We’ve been just fine on our own, thank you. The three of us! No more and no less!” You shoved him which barely made him move.

He remained silent as he let you rant, his hand falling back to his side.

“I don’t want her here. I want her gone Joel.” You stated firmly, “Ellie doesn’t want her here either.”

Joel sigh as he crossed his arms, “Heather told me about the things you said to her last night. The horrible things you said to her and the threats you made.” Joel said suddenly with a disapproving tone to his voice, “I thought you were better than that especially after what you went through. I thought you of all people would make someone feel welcomed.”

You felt small under his gaze as you tried to explain yourself, “Of course I would try to make everyone feel welcome and I did Joel. I did try, but she…” Your brows furrowed, “I didn’t say anything to her last night…” Your eyes widened at the realization of what she was doing. She was pitting Joel against you with lies and it was working… Again.

That final thought made you snap as you stepped away from Joel.

“That bitch.” You seethed as you rushed into the house.

“What are you doing? Wait! Don’t!” Joel yelled from behind you, but you were on a mission.

You bounded up the steps, much faster than Joel could as you raced to your room. You had a feeling that she was gloating with her new success in making Joel turn against you. Of course she did, she was downright evil. The door banged against the wall as you shoved it open, finding her sitting at the foot of your bed.

“How dare you come into my home and try to turn him against me.” You sneered as you took quick steps towards her, “I didn’t say anything to you, it was you who has been fucking with me ever since you’ve gotten here! What is your goal here? To take over my life?”

Heather’s eyes widened as an anxious expression appeared on her face, “I have no idea what you are talking about dear—”

It was such a relief seeing her skin turn red as you finally got the chance to slap her across her smug face. Her scream did nothing to stop your anger from rising.

You swiftly grabbed the collar of her shirt before she could get up and run. You wanted to make your threat clear as you glared down at her, “You’re not welcome here.”

Her expression went from panicked to calm as she relaxed in your grip. It unnerved you as you watched her persona change so quickly.

“Oh, but I think I am.” Heather whispered with a smirk, “And soon nobody here will feel safe. Not even your precious Ellie.”

That hit a nerve in you at the mention of Ellie’s name.

“Fuck you.” You spat in her face as you lunged yourself on top of her.

You pinned her down to the bed as she gasped for breath. Your hands wrapped around her throat and she desperately tried to claw at your hands, but nothing nudged you.

The only thing that you could feel was a motherly rage at the mention of Ellie not being safe. You would burn this entire town down before letting that happen.

Die. Die. Die. Die.

It was a blink of an eye before you were roughly pulled off of her and thrown into your old dresser. The dresser shook and a picture frame of you, Joel, and Ellie toppled to the ground with a sickening crack. You gasped at the impact as pain rippled through your side and you had a feeling that it would be bruised in the morning.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Joel raised his voice, directing his anger towards you.

“You don’t understand!” You yelled at him as you gripped onto the dresser to keep yourself from falling to the floor, “Can you not see it or are you too blinded by the helpless victim act?”

“I think you should leave tonight.” Joel stated, his eyes flickered to you leaning into the dresser, but said nothing of it. He wasn’t aware of how much strength he used when he pulled you off of Heather. The only thing currently running through his head was not seeing anyone die tonight.

“What? Leave?” You looked up at him confused, “Did you not hear a word I just said? She is using you!”

Joel sighed, “What could she possibly be using me for? I have nothing to offer.” He shook his head, “I think it’s best you leave and clear your head. Maybe when you get some space you will see that she is not a threat.”

You looked at the woman who cowered on the bed, out of view from Joel, but not from you. You could see the victory in her eyes as she watched Joel protect her and not you.

You looked back to Joel with an empty feeling in your chest, “I want you to remember this moment when you realize I’m right, Miller. Goodbye.”

You swiftly stepped out of the room, ignoring the throbbing pain in your side. You saw Ellie peer out from her room with a concerned and scared expression on her face.

“What… What’s going on?” She asked with a timid voice, “Are you leaving? You’re leaving me?”

You shook your head as tears filled your eyes and quickly pulled her into a hug despite the pain you were feeling, “No of course I’m not leaving. I’m just going to stay with Tommy and Maria tonight, but listen…” You looked back and saw that neither of them had followed you out of the room.

You looked back towards Ellie and whispered in her ear, “Heather is dangerous. I don’t know what she has planned or why yet, but I need you to keep your knife close and keep an eye on Joel l until I figure it out okay?”

“Okay.” Ellie nodded, “I will, I promise.” Her eyes suddenly looked past your shoulder to Joel who was walking out of your room.

“I love you, my daughter.” You kissed her on the top of her head before quickly making your way downstairs, “See you later bug.”

“Love you too mom… See you later…” You heard her broken voice say as you walked out the front door.

I will end you, Heather. I will fucking end you.

[hiddenzev]

Second Confession: Part 2

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: She finally confesses her feelings to Joel

Chapter Warnings - Angst, One-sided love, Unrequited Love, Idiots in Love, (let me know if i missed anything)

WC: 4.2k

series masterlist , AO3

A/N: Damn guys, I didn't expect a lot of people to like this story. Thank you for all the likes and comments!! Anyway, please excuse my poor writing :(( I'm trying my best. There might be a few mistakes I've missed. I really wanted to make it so angsty but i'm lacking it sadly. Hope you guys enjoy this next part tho. :)

The rising sun is up painting the sky with beautiful rosy hue this morning. Compared to the beautiful morning, you didn’t get to have a good sleep. You were tossing and turning in your bed overthinking about today. It’s your first patrol with Joel and there’s some many thoughts running through your head playing out how it may go. You make your way, noticing that Joel must have left his house already as you pass by his house.

As you reach the ranch, you notice that Joel is checking the horse while Tommy is by his side saying something to him. Maria is standing further away with another horse which you believe to be in your care for patrols.

Maria notices you and calls you out. Both men turn to look at your form coming closer. Joel takes a quick glance at you before returning his attention back to his horse. You exchange greetings with Maria before walking over to the men.

“Morning!” You greet them.

“Morning. How are you feeling?” Tommy asks you.

“Not bad.” you lied. You’re used to doing patrols but this time it’s different because of a certain man.

“I’ve told this guy to look out for you out there, not that I think you’re not capable of taking care of yourself,” Tommy rambles on beside Joel.

“That’s fine. I get it Tommy,” You gave him a small smile.

“We’re just looking out for you because you’re our friend and this guy has a certain reputation of him y’know.” Tommy says without any care that his brother is next to him listening to what he says.

You nod and cautiously glance at Joel who has his back on you. You pick up your courage to talk to him.

“Hi Joel.” trying to hide the slight tremble in your voice to sound normal.

Joel turns slowly before stepping closer to you. Your eyes are on him the entire time. It’s insane how you are lost in his honey brown eyes that you are seeing up close for the first time since you’ve known him. You can’t help but hold your breath when he bend down slightly to look you in the eyes.

“You better not slow me down. Don’t think that just because you’re good friends with Tommy and Ellie, I will go easy on you,” he pause, “because I won’t.”

You stare at him for a few seconds before you speak, “Didn’t tell you to go easy on me.” You said in a calm voice. You are not that affected by what he said because you knew his grumpy ass is annoyed with you joining him for patrols.

His eyes widen slightly with a certain glint in his eyes. You find it cute seeing him flustered. Not wanting to break into a smile, you turn to go to your horse by Maria.

“You ready to go?” Maria asks you.

“Yup all good,” you say while inspecting your horse.

“What did you say to him? He seems pissed off,” Maria eyes Joel “Can’t stop looking over here.”

You shrug your shoulders while stroking the horse’s neck.

“You know how he is,” you smile affectionately at the horse.

“You’re sure you gonna be ok with him out there?”

“Yes I’m sure, Maria. You know me.” You reassure her.

They know that you mostly keep to yourself and mind your own business most of the time. You’re more of an observer than anything else. You try not to be socially awkward but you can’t help it sometimes. However, you don’t take any shit from anyone. You will stand up for yourself if anyone disrespect you or your loved ones. You’re not a pushover, you can be stubborn sometimes and you know exactly what you want.

Both you and Joel mount the horses and make your way to the gates with Joel leading the way. You exchange a few words with Tommy and Maria before getting out of there.

It was silent the whole time with Joel in the woods. The man didn’t even make a sound, not even a sigh. Instead, the sounds you can hear are the soft rustling of leaves when the calm morning breeze hits them, the faint chirps of the birds, the crunch of leaves and twigs below you and more of the subtle, soothing sounds of the nature.

You try to focus on checking your surroundings but your gaze will always land on Joel’s broad back in front of you. You openly observe him from behind, looking at every one of his curls that you wish you could touch. You wish to caress his head slowly, taking your time to really feel him on your fingertips. Oh you so badly wish to press your body against his back, wrap your arms around his torso and take in his scent. You can only wonder how it would feel.

You close your eyes for a few seconds to will yourself to not think about him this way.p right now. The silence from him kills you. You try to break the silence by striking a conversation.

“The weather’s good this morning, don’t you think?”

No response from him, prompting you to keep talking.

“Don’t you feel guilty appreciating something simple like the weather during a world like this?”

He is still staying silent.

“Do you love music?”

This time, he turn his head slowly to look at you with a hard glare before opening his mouth.

“Do you ever stop talking?” He said it sarcastically.

“Geez, I only asked 3 questions man.” You muttered under your breath looking away from him.

“What?” His eyes you narrowly after seeing you mumbling to yourself.

You look at him again with a forced smile.

“Nothing. I’ll keep quiet.”

He turn his body around, giving his horse a gentle nudge to quicken its pace.

The rest of the patrol with Joel is just him telling you off a couple times when he catches you not being alert enough. You can’t complain because it’s your fault for not focusing on the task, getting distracted in your own thoughts of your partner right there.

You don’t actually mind his attitude out here because him calling out your mistakes only means that he cares about your safety. Even if it’s just a teeny tiny bit. Compared to his approach on other things, he teaches you some tips in a gentler way.

Patrol duty isn’t your favourite because you hate the risk of being out here but there isn’t any choice when there is only a limited amount of manpower for this dangerous duty. You have worked with a couple of people over the years for patrol and weirdly you feel the safest with Joel and it’s only your first day with him.

The patrol shift ends the same way as it started. Masked with the heavy air of stillness with Joel Miller. You’re assuming that he’s using this patrol to probably feel you out to see your skills and make sure you’re strong enough to be his partner. You on the other hand, were busy checking him out with any opportunity that you can. It’s embarrassing at this point.

After the shift handover with the next patrollers, the horses are return to the ranch to be taken care of. Joel went off first after giving you a slight nod. You stay awhile back to be with the horses. You strangely feel proud seeing that he acknowledges you this time. Him giving you not even the bare minimum of manners and you’re out here having your heart flutters over it. Damn. He really have you wrapped around his little finger and he doesn’t even know it.

You heard footsteps behind you as you look emptily at the horses feeding themselves.

“Hey!” Ellie exclaim.

“Hey,” you say with a tired smile on your face.

“Where’s Joel?”

“You just missed him. He left a couple minutes ago,”

“How’s your first patrol with him?” A sly smile on her face that you didn’t catch as you look away from her.

“Unexpectedly, not bad,”

“See! I told you that you can stand his ‘grumpy old man’ attitude!” She smile knowingly.

“What evidence do you have to say that?” Your eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“Intuition,” she winks at you.

“Yeah, right.” You rolled your eyes and slowly make your way out of the ranch. Ellie follows behind you closely before getting next to you. She keeps looking at you with a mischievous grin on her face. You put your arms over her shoulders pulling her in and jokingly put her in a headlock. She giggles loudly and that make you laugh as well.

You have been on a couple of patrols with Joel after that. He is not as tense as the first patrol and have been more open than before. Well, slightly but that is still something. Like you have expected, he’s someone who is just misunderstood. You like that you get to see different sides of him through the patrols.

As time goes on, you try to figure out the right time to tell him your feelings that are only getting stronger. There were some opportunities when there were only the two of you alone that you still couldn’t take.

To be honest, you plan to give him a little gift. Before the outbreak, you love to collect random little stuffs that you find cute or interesting. You still do that after the outbreak while you are out finding supplies.

There is this one guitar pick in your collection that has a design that you find cute but corny at the same time and you want to give it to him. You’re sure he’s not going to be amused with it but you do want to see his reaction to seeing it.

You did hear from Ellie one time that Joel likes to do some wood carvings and that recently he’s starting to do wood carvings of chess pieces. Ellie doesn’t know what chess is. She only know that it is a board game from what Joel had said and she is looking forward to learn it after he finish working on it.

With that information, you secretly start to practice carving chess pieces from wood that you can find or attain from someone in the community. You have finished one perfect piece of a horse. The horse piece is the most difficult one to do as it has more complicated details unlike the rest of the pieces. You hope that at least this would open his heart a little bit more for you.All you need to do is to get a chance to be alone with him and just go for it.

You’re in the tipsy bison, alone, conflicted with how you’re going to go about this. You feel a hand on your shoulder and you turn to look over it to see Tommy smiling softly at you. He slides into the chair opposite you with his drink.

“Hey, everything alright?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t they?” You tried to give a convincing smile.

“How long have we known each other, huh? I know when there’s something bothering you. You know you can tell me anything right?”

You look down on your hands, don’t know whether to confide in him about Joel.

“Is it Joel?”

You raise your head looking at him with wide eyes, shocked by what he said. Too stunned to speak, you just look at him with your mouth slightly parted.

“I’ve been noticing some things and let me hold your hand telling you this,” he reaches out to hold one of your hands, “it’s kinda obvious,”

“Really?” You ask him softly.

“It is to me since we’re close and I’m actually a little hurt that you didn’t tell me. I thought I’m your closest friend here,” he jokingly put his hand over his heart.

“I didn’t tell anyone especially not you since you’re his brother. I don’t know how you would feel about that y’know. Just thought it was just a silly little crush that would go away after a short period of time but here I am,” you tell the truth.

“How long?”

“Ever since he’s been here,” you softly said, avoiding looking at him, shy about your year long crush on his brother.

“Damn, should have told me. I could help you out a lil bit,”

“How? I think you would have made it worse.” you chuckle at him.

He laughed out loud. You're glad that Tommy doesn't find any problem with your crush on his big brother.

"Are you gonna tell him? cause damn girl, a year is crazyyyyy" He sips on his drink.

"That's the problem, Tommy. I don't know how to and you know him better than I do. He ain't gonna be nice about it,"

"True. He's stubborn and is an asshole most of the time but he do have a good heart somewhere inside him. I know that. I'll help you and maybe after all this time, you're the one that could crack him."

Since then, Tommy has been creating chances for you to be alone with Joel. Getting the both of you alone at the end of breakfast, putting the both of you in other duties together, excusing himself when there’s only the three of you in the bar, etc. Tommy doing all of this only makes it so obvious to the both of you on his intention and it makes it more awkward to be around Joel.

During the time when you are stuck with him, you did try to break the ice more but he’s still the same cold and distant Joel. Not wanting to stay with you much longer, he would try to get away as fast as possible avoiding as much interaction with you.

Ellie caught you and Tommy talking one time at your back porch. You were telling Tommy to not interfere anymore because it’s getting awkward with Joel and Tommy were insisting on inviting everyone for dinner at his house at the end of the week. Both of you were so caught up in the conversation that you didn’t realise Ellie came looking for you.

“Come on, it’s just a dinner. We’ve had some dinner nights at my house before,” Tommy persuading you.

“Yeah but now you’re going to have something up your sleeves to push me and Joel together or something. I don’t know. It’s awkward man!”

“What’s so awkward?” Ellie’s voice startled you and Tommy. She came out from the side of the house and slowly made her way to stand between where you and Tommy were sitting.

Tommy and you just looked at each other, don’t know what to say to Ellie.

“If it’s about you and Joel, I already knew that.” she shrugged her shoulders sitting on your porch’s steps.

Still on edge, you and Tommy did not say anything.

“I have eyes, I see how you look at him. In fact, you ALWAYS look at him,” she chuckled looking at your shocked expression.

“Okay, that’s enough,” you told her to stop talking, feeling shy that your friends have been suspecting your feelings for Joel all this time.

“You look at him like he’s the most beautiful person in this world,” she imitated a vomiting motion after saying that.

“Ellie!” you hid your face with both of your hands while Tommy and Ellie laughed at you.

“With your big mouth, I can’t believe you never said anything to me about it,” you continued after their laugh subsided.

“I wasn’t exactly sure and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” you give her a small comforting smile. “So are you gonna tell him?”

“Most likely,”

“What do you think he’s gonna say?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think he’s gonna like it. No matter what the outcome is, what really matters is he knows that at least there’s one more person in this world that actually cares about him.” you sigh heavily.

The three of you said your goodbyes that night after Tommy and Ellie gave you some encouragement about the whole situation.

Dinner at Tommy’s is like the calm before the storm. Joel is seated between you and Ellie. Maria who is sitting across you is talking with Tommy about their plans to decorate their extra room for their baby. You’re excited for them. You feel a little envious as you don’t think you will ever find a love like that in this apocalypse. You have always dreamed of starting a family. Right now, it is just a faraway dream that you could never hope to come to reality.

Your legs keep shaking nervously under the table. You’re always nervous around Joel but sitting beside him for this long is just making it worse. Additionally, you have the gift that you prepared for him in the side pocket of your cargo pants. After adding a letter to the two little gifts, you wrapped it up in a small nice paper packaging that you can find. Ever since then, you carried it around with you, don’t know when you will find the right time.

Picking at your food mindlessly, you feel a big strong hand on your right thigh. You immediately stop shaking and look down to your thigh. It’s none other than the man himself. You shift your gaze to him seeing that he’s already looking at you. He leans in a slightly and whispers,

“Stop it.” he immediately removes his hand and continues to eat his food right after telling you off.

Speechless, you force food down your throat as if it will get rid of his lingering touch on your thigh. You’re more aware of your legs now and you try your best to not shake your legs subconsciously. Although a part of you wishes to do it so that you can feel his hand on your thigh again.

You didn’t talk much for the rest of the dinner, distracted by what had happened. Tommy tries to make eye contact with you a couple times to signal something to you. You avoid looking at him so that he takes the hint to stop whatever kind of ideas in his head right now.

Dinner ended in a peaceful way thankfully. There were some dinners before that ended with some arguments usually between Joel and Ellie or Tommy and Joel. On those dinners, you just look on and try not to interfere at all unless it gets too far.

Ellie has already went off to find her friends for movie night. Tommy and Maria are slowly cleaning things up while you and Joel try to help them a little bit. They insist that they don't need any help from you guys and thank the both of you for coming to dinner.

That's how you ended up in this situation where you and Joel are walking back home together. As usual, there wasn't much talking. The conversation died after you talked about how great dinner was and he agreed. You didn't walk long before both of you reach the front of his house first.

"G'nite." he clears his throat before saying softly under his breath. Not waiting for your reply, he turns to walk to his front door.

"Sorry about earlier." you quickly said. You meant that you were sorry about shaking your legs that it bothered him.

He stops walking halfway to his front door and turns to you.

"It's fine. Didn't mean to touch you. It was bothering me. Sorry." his eyes were on you for a few seconds at first before darting anywhere else other than you. He walks away to his front door. You don't know overcame you. Maybe you're just riding the good energy from tonight, you take a few steps closer to him and calls him.

"Umm, Joel," you call him.

He stops before putting his house key in. He turns back around not saying anything. He’s waiting for you to continue what you have to say. You walk to the front of his steps nervously.

“I want to tell you something.” You look up eyeing his movements. He sighs before making his way down the steps to stand in front of you. You awkwardly stands there for a moment before remembering his gift. You take it out and hand it over to him.

“This is for you. Thought you might like it,” you look at him inspecting the small wrapped gift in his hands.

“What is it?” he looks at you with his brows knitted in confusion.

“Well you have to open it to find out,” you put your hands in your front pockets to hide your fists that are clenching due to the tension.

“Why? Why are you giving me this?” he looks at you with unwavering eyes. You look down at your shoes to avoid looking in his eyes that make it seem as if he could read whatever is on your mind. Your voice is stuck in your throat with the words that you want to say are on the tip of your tongue.

“What do you want from me? Do you need something in return for this?” He asks thinking that the gift is some kind of a trade deal.

“No. Nothing like that.” You shake your head looking at the gift in his hands.

“Then what?”

Your brain is running in full speed, contemplating if this is the right moment to confess to him. You’re swaying from side to side, eyes darting everywhere except the brown eyes in front of you.

“I don’t have the time for this,” he sighs heavily turning his body to walk back to the door.

“I like you,” you blurt it out quickly, panicking that you just said those words out loud to him.

“What?” he turns back to you in a flash, not believing what you had just said.

You pause for a moment to calm yourself down and gather your thoughts. You take a deep breath before speaking.

“I like you, Joel. I don’t know exactly when or how but gradually, my mind has been flooding with thoughts of you ever since you came here. I’ve known you for a year now and these feelings are not going away at all. I thought it’s time for me to let it all out before it’s too late. I don’t want to regret not telling you that I do care about you. More than you know. I know you may think this is silly and I don’t expect anything from you-“

“You’re right. Don’t expect anything from me.” He interrupts you with a harden look in his eyes now.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking but let me clarify it again for you,” he closes the gap between the two of you and look straight into your eyes. You can’t help but to tilt your head up more, not able to tear your eyes away from him.

“There’s nothing between us. It never will be anything other than you being Tommy’s friend or Ellie’s friend to me. I’m just tolerating you for their sake. Without them, you’re just another person in Jackson that I don’t give a fuck about.” you lower your gaze to his chest. You predicted that he is going to be worked up about this but hearing that he actually doesn’t care about you kinda hurt your feelings a little.

“Wake up, darling. We’re in the apocalypse and you’re out here telling me about your little crush on me. This is stupid. I thought you’re better than this. I already have a lot on my plate to be dealing with this bullshit.” he sighs, raising his head to look at the dark sky.

All kinds of emotions are running through you. You knew this would happen. You knew that he will criticise you for it but you still did it. You thought that you could take it but your sensitive little heart betrayed you. Why are you sad for even disappointing him?

“Take this back.” He shoves your gift to your front, waiting for you to take it from him.

Your hands still in your pockets, you stayed still. You feel so embarrassed that you cannot move your body.

“Fine. Whatever.” he drops the gift right in front of your feet and walk to his door.

You hear keys jingling before the door opens and not long after that the door slam shut. You’re frozen in your place still staring at the gift below you. The images of the past year runs through your head. The amount of time spent thinking about him, wondering if he’s okay or not, secretly listening to him playing guitar and to you making the effort to gift him something he would like. All the little things amounted to this at the end.

Suddenly, you feel the anger rise inside of you. You feel so stupid. Why of all people, it must be Joel that you have feelings for? You feel angry at yourself for feeling this way. You don’t even blame Joel because he’s right. This isn’t the time to be occupied with stupid little feelings.

With jaws clenched, you pick up the wrapped gift and throws it hard against his front door. Fuck this. You don’t care what he’s going to say. You walk off angrily with long strides back to your house. In your head, you think that at least you said your feelings for him truthfully. It’s done and dusted. Time for you to move on from him.

next part

Thank you for reading this chapter! The next update probably will be in a week or so, hopefully!

Taglist: @greenwitchfromthewoods @rebeccawinters @cuteanimalmama

[justagalwhowrites]

Halcyon - Ch. 15: Right Now, You’re Still My Baby

You and Joel take care of Ellie and each other. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 14, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: SMUT! Unprotected P in V sex. Childcare struggles. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 5.5k

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Ellie’s sharp little cry woke you up. 

You’d slept soundly, more soundly than you had in weeks, your nose buried in Joel’s naked chest, his come slick on your thighs. 

Your eyes shot open at that realization, something that had been so overwhelming it had knocked you out before sending your heart racing now.

You’d slept with Joel. Your best friend Joel. The same man who had said it would have been better to sleep with anyone but you, the same man who needed space after you made each other come at the hotel in Dallas, the same man who had called just fucking kissing you a mistake. You’d slept with him, when your life was in complete shambles and you were desperate for what help you could find, you’d slept with Joel. 

“S’OK,” he said, his voice groggy, his large hands spreading wide on the bare skin of your back. He pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Stay here, I got ‘er. You need to rest.” 

He pulled himself from the tangle your limbs had made together, bed squeaking a little, and you heard him pause for a moment before padding out of the room. 

You rolled onto your back and stared up at Joel’s ceiling, a familiar sight in so many other contexts but not ones where you’d just fucked your best friend, right when you couldn’t afford to lose him. You couldn’t have him regret you, not now. 

It was still dark outside and you listened as Ellie fussed and then quieted, Joel already so much better with her than you had been. That was an incredibly low bar, you realized, but still. You wished you could be like that, have that natural instinct, be something that this child needed. He soothed her and you heard him leave her room on the monitor, leaving his room almost eerily silent.

You sat up, clutching the sheet to your naked chest and looking around to try and find something to put on in the dark. There was a discolored pile of fabric on the floor and you grabbed it, keeping the sheet tight to your skin as you reached for it even though there was no one there to look at your bare body, anyway. It was one of Joel’s oversized t-shirts and you pulled it on, feeling a little better now that you had something covering you up. 

What the fuck were you going to do now? You pulled your legs - still covered by the sheet - into your chest and gnawed on your lower lip. You couldn’t lose Joel right now, you couldn’t afford to lose Joel right now. You weren’t sure you’d ever be capable of losing him again - you’d barely survived it the first time, falling into bed with the first man who showed you a scrap of kindness and interest and look where that had landed you - but you really couldn’t do it now. 

It’s not that you’d blame him for regretting things with you. You knew there were things about yourself that were difficult and lord knew he’d dated plenty of better looking women. But fuck, if he could just regret it without pushing you away and saying how much he wished it hadn’t happened, at least for long enough for you to be able to figure out something for Ellie, then you could get through it. As long as it wasn’t permanent, it would be OK. 

“Alright sweet girl,” you heard Joel through the baby monitor, apparently back in the nursery he’d set up for your niece. “We’re gonna put you down and you’re gonna stay nice and quiet for me, alright? Think you’ve put your auntie through her paces plenty…” 

You heard him humming to her then and it took you a moment to place it as Sweet Child of Mine. The soft sound of him soothing her made you choke up. He was so good at this, built for it, it seemed, in ways you just weren’t. 

You heard the door close softly on the baby monitor and then the quiet click of his bedroom as he let himself back in. He tiptoed at first and then froze when he noticed you sitting up, watching him in the dark.  

“You should be sleeping,” he said quietly before crawling up the bed beside you. 

“Joel…” 

“You’re exhausted,” he said, draping his arm over your chest and gently nudging you onto your back. “I got her, she’s back down and it’s only about three, you need another four hours at least…” 

“But Ellie…” 

“She’s OK,” he said, lying down next to you, his arm still over you, just enough pressure to keep you from getting up. “She’s out. You need to sleep.”

You looked at him. He was on his side, his face so close to yours, close enough that your noses almost touched. You realized that he was still shirtless, his skin warm next to your own. 

“Joel,” you whispered again, like saying his name was going to somehow untangle this tension that had fallen between the two of you. His hand left your shoulder, tracing his fingers over his shirt that you’d put on, trailing up your neck before smoothing your hair back and cupping your cheek. 

“It can wait ’til the morning,” he said softly. You opened your mouth to argue but he moved closer, his forehead against yours and you could feel the cotton of his pajama pants against your bare legs. “It’s OK baby. I’ve got you.” 

Your eyes dropped to his lips before you could really help it, remembering how he tasted, how soft his mouth was on yours. 

“It’s OK baby,” he said again and you rolled onto your side so you were facing him, keenly aware that you were still naked from the waist down. His hand skimmed over your body, his palm shaping to your breast, arching over your curves before stopping at the bare skin of your hip. 

He waited for just a moment before kissed you, giving you a chance to pull away. You didn’t take it. Instead, you kissed him back. It was gentle at first, hesitant, like you were both afraid of what the other was going to do. It was Joel who broke the kiss, pulling away ever so slightly but still close enough that your bodies were aligned, that you were breathing the same air. 

“This OK?” He asked, a tremble in his voice. You just nodded quickly, breaths shaky, not sure you’d be able to string words together if you tried. 

“Good,” he said, his hand running down your thigh, around the back of your knee to hitch it up over his hip, pulling your bare center against him as you gasped. He was hard, you could feel the thick of him through his pants and your heart beat faster. He tugged his pants down just enough to free his cock, the silken softness of his skin against your most tender place making you moan. “‘Cause I need to be inside you one more time.” 

He pressed into you, his passage eased by the slick of your come and his from just hours earlier and you moaned at the stinging stretch as he buried himself to the root in you. Joel pressed his hand into the small of your back, holding you right where he seemed to want you as he ground his cock deep into you. The head of him tight to the most sensitive parts of your body made you pant and keen and he kissed you, so firm it was almost harsh, his beard scratching your skin as he fucked into you. 

Things were so much more intense with Joel than you were used to them being. It’s not as though you’d had many lovers in your life - you’d only ever slept with Joel and Gale - but you didn’t think sex could be that different between people. You’d always kind of assumed you’d gotten things mixed up in the memory of your first time with Joel. You’d never had sex before, after all, so of course things would have seemed intense. It had been your first time in a foreign land, the terrain eventually becoming familiar territory as you started sleeping with Gale. It was a memory, you thought, that needed to be taken with a healthy dose of skepticism because of its very nature. It couldn’t have been that way. But you knew now that you were wrong. It was that different with Joel, it had been that intense, it had felt that good, something about feeling him inside of you touching a part of your very being that had been dormant since that night when you were just a clumsy teenager.

It shocked you now, how suddenly desperate you became. He wasn’t nearly close enough, wasn’t fucking you nearly hard enough, there just wasn’t enough and you needed more. 

You clutched at him, needy and aching, rolling your hips into him, tongue delving into his mouth. He moaned into you and it made your cunt clench around him. His thrusts stuttered when it did and he pulled his mouth from yours, panting, his eyes ranging over your face. You pushed him onto his back, leg tight over his hip to keep him buried inside and you were straddling him, settling on top of him as your body adjusted to the way his filled it. 

“Oh fuck,” he breathed, his hands going to your thighs, his thick fingers splaying wide over you. You froze for a moment, breathless, looking down at him spread out below you. Your heart stuttered, terrified that he’d changed his mind. “Christ, love seein’ you in my fuckin’ clothes…” 

You groaned, starting to ride him. You moved slow at first, getting a feel for him. You hadn’t been on top in a long time - Gale preferred being in charge - and Joel’s cock was so thick and so long that you could feel so clearly just how deep he reached inside of you. It took you a moment to find your rhythm, to figure out just how to move on him so that he was filling you and not overwhelming you. 

“That’s it,” he whispered, his hands sliding up your legs, below where the shirt was pooling around your hips to your waist. You groaned at his touch, trying to push away the gnawing fear of Joel feeling you there and finding something he didn’t want as his fingers sank into the soft parts of you. You angled your hips so your clit was tight to the base of his stomach, grinding against his warm, soft skin, building your orgasm higher. “Feel so good baby, so fucking good…” 

You just moaned and closed your eyes as you rode him harder, faster. Feeling this good and being this aware that it was because of Joel felt dangerous. Some part of you, even now, in this moment, knew that it would be temporary. Or, at the very least, the feelings behind it one sided. Looking at his face - looking him in the eye - while you made yourself come on his cock might just be the end of you. You weren’t sure you’d be able to handle losing this with him after that. 

That didn’t keep you from moaning his name as your body drew tighter around him. He thrust up into you, meeting your every movement, his hands clinging to you the way your channel was clinging to him, too. 

“I’m gonna come,” you panted, barely even aware of what you were saying. “I’m gonna come, Joel, I’m gonna come, I…” 

“Good,” he sounded desperate, fucked out. “Want you to come, please come for me, need to feel you come…” 

Your hips stuttered and you bit your lip and buried your face in your shoulder as best you could to muffle your strangled cry as your pussy rippled and fluttered around his cock and he groaned with it, pressing his cock into you while pulling down on your waist. 

“Fuckin’ hell,” he panted as you came. One of his hands flew to your clit, rubbing you in tight little circles. “Christ, can feel you throbbing on me, so goddamn good baby.” 

“Why…” you panted for a moment, trying to get ahold of your thoughts again as your climax eased. “Why are you calling me that? I’m… fuck… I’m not your baby.” 

“Ain’t you?” He asked, still sounding breathless. The hand that had been working your clit went back to hold your waist. “At least for tonight?” 

You opened your eyes and looked down at him. Even in the dim haze from the streetlight outside his window he looked desperate, his eyes wide as he watched you closely. Your heart pounded in the cage of your chest. 

“OK,” you nodded, panting. “At least for tonight.” 

He swallowed hard enough that you could watch his throat move with it before he nodded and started guiding your hips over him again. Your second orgasm was already starting to build - so much faster than it ever had with Gale - when his hands left your skin to take hold of the hem of the shirt. You stilled for a moment, frowning down at him. 

“Lemme see you,” he said. “Want to look at my baby…” Your pussy tightened at his words and he groaned, closing his eyes for a moment. “Holy… fuck, please baby. Lemme see you.” 

You just nodded before helping him take the shirt off and he moaned, sitting up below you, making your hand fly to his shoulder as his arms went around your waist. He buried his face in your chest, kissing over your breast bone up to your throat, running his teeth over your skin to your chin and you moaned, arching your back into him. The feeling of his skin tight on yours, his mouth on your throat was making the heat inside you pool low and full. There was so much need inside you, so much aching pleasure it seemed almost too big for your body. Like if it built any more, it would burst out of your skin and you’d be lost to it. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna come,” he groaned, his lips at the hollow of your throat as you rode him. Your arms went around him, clutching his head against you and his hold on you tightened. “Want you to come with me, baby. Can feel it, you got one more right there, want you to give it to me. Gimme everything, baby, know you want to…” 

“Joel,” you whispered, riding him so hard the movements were getting sloppy. You could feel the wet of his come and yours dripping out of you, making a slick mess of your thighs and his stomach. 

“S’OK,” he said, pressing you tighter. “Just me, baby. S’OK. Give it all to me, just give in to it, want to feel you.” 

You couldn’t help but obey then, your orgasm this time even stronger than before, seeming to seize your whole being as you came undone around him. Joel thrust up into you twice more before holding himself deep and moaning into your chest and you could feel the heavy throb of his cock as he pumped you full of his come. 

When the aftershocks of your orgasm finally seemed to fade, you pulled back from him, just enough that you could look down and see his face, your stomachs still tight together, his cock still buried deep inside you. 

Your eyes searched his for a moment, as though there was some answer for you there. How did we end up here? What do we do now? Where do we go next? You didn’t think he knew any better than you did. 

Instead of answering your unspoken questions, he leaned forward - just enough that you could feel his cock move within you - and pressed his lips to your throat before pulling back again. 

“In the morning,” he said softly. “We can talk in the morning. Right now, you’re still my baby. Lemme take care of you.” 

You just nodded and let him carefully guide you onto the bed beside him, groaning a little as his cock left your body. He adjusted his pajama pants so his slick cock was covered and he went to the bathroom, coming back with a warm washcloth. He gently cleaned between your legs, panting a little as he did, before he grabbed the shirt you’d picked up off his floor. You put it back on while he found your panties and he helped you put those on, guiding each foot through a leg hole before guiding them up your calves, your thighs. He nudged you onto your back and you lifted your hips as he redressed you. You turned your head to watch him lay beside you, his eyes on you the way yours were on him. 

“I’ll get up with her next time she cries,” he said quietly. “Try to sleep if you can.” 

“But…” you frowned, but he cut you off. 

“I got it,” he said. “Told you. Lemme take care of you.” 

You swallowed, trying not to choke, and nodded he gently moved beside you, nudging you onto your side before pressing against the back of you, his legs curving against yours, his arm finding the perfect place to rest between your ribs and your hips. His breath was warm on your neck and he trailed his nose over your skin before pressing a kiss into your shoulder. 

“Get some rest, Goldie girl,” he said quietly in your ear. “I’ll take care of you.” 

“Thank you,” you whispered back. 

He squeezed you a little tighter. 

“Any time, baby.” 

***

Fuck. 

That was all Joel could really think as he slowly bounced Ellie in his kitchen as the sun rose, the sky all pink and orange, your infant niece a warm bundle in his arms. She was eating well, at least, making those tiny, fragile little baby sounds Joel had loved so much when Sarah was a newborn as she drank her bottle. 

He was fairly certain he’d managed to grab Ellie before she woke you up. He hadn’t really fallen back asleep after fucking you a second time - Jesus, what had he been fucking thinking? - he had more drifted in and out of consciousness as he held you in the dark. He had his arms around you, he could feel you breathing, he could smell your skin and you were warm and safe and close. It’s not like he wasn’t tired - he was - but his mind was so hung up on soaking up your presence he couldn’t seem to quiet it enough to sleep. 

So when Ellie started to fuss quietly in her crib about 6:30, he was awake to hear it. You were passed out, your whole body soft and relaxed, and he delicately, reluctantly pulled himself away from you to go take care of her, not bothering with a shirt in the hopes of getting to her before she started really wailing. He turned the baby monitor off when he got in the room before he changed her diaper and he hoped her crying jag as he cleaned her up was far enough away that you slept through it. He was so worried about her waking you that he scooped her into his chest before he put her onesie back on her and she calmed quickly, her skin on his. 

“Oh you like that, huh, baby girl?” He asked quietly, shifting his weight from foot to foot as she curled her little legs into her stomach against him. She cooed but didn’t fuss, settling into his chest. He smiled a little. Sarah had been big on the skin on skin thing at this age, too. “Alright, we can wait a bit. I don’t need a shirt too bad, do I?” 

He swayed with her for a little while, until it seemed like some change in the motion wouldn’t set her off and then he took her to the kitchen, making her a bottle and watching her as she ate, her big eyes watching him with an almost burning curiosity. 

“I know,” he said quietly to her. “I’m still the weird one, ain’t I? S’OK though. Your auntie is here, she’s got you, too. And I’m sure your mama will be back soon. She loves you so much baby girl, I know she does. We all do.” 

As Ellie finished the bottle, Joel grabbed a dish towel from the handle of the oven and threw it over his shoulder before tucking the baby against his shoulder. He bounced her gently and patted her back, waiting for the inevitable spit up and hoping this would settle her little stomach enough that she would sleep and so would you. 

“What am I gonna do, huh?” He asked her quietly, pacing the kitchen. It’s not like he was actually expecting an answer but he was still a little let down when none came. “Wish I was better at figuring this shit out. She deserves better than however I’m about to fuck up.” 

And he had royally fucked up this time, he was sure of that. He wasn’t sure how he kept ending up in bed with you - maybe you just needed a physical outlet but were too gun shy of casual sex to get it the way he usually did, maybe you just got swept up in things when he was an asshole who tried to make your relationship something you clearly didn’t want it to be - but he couldn’t keep doing this. It wasn’t fair to you.

“Dad?” Sarah yawned, frowning, as she came into the kitchen before her eyes went wide and she squealed. “Is that Ellie?” 

He shushed her, glancing back toward his bedroom. 

“Goldie’s still sleepin’,” he said quietly. “And this one is dozing off, gotta keep it down baby girl.” 

“Sorry,” she whispered, still looking excited. “Can I see her? She’s so little!” 

“Yeah, OK,” Joel said. “But you gotta do me a favor. In the room we set up for her is one of those bouncers… looks almost like a car seat but without so much plastic at the bottom. Can you bring me that? I’ll put her in that and you can look at her all you want while I make us breakfast, alright?” 

“Yeah!” She darted off, Joel hearing her feet pound on the first few steps of the stairs before she paused and then moved slowly, quietly, the rest of the way up. He shook his head a little, still swaying with the baby. He wondered how long it would be before Sarah started asking him for a baby sister again, something he was in no position to give her. It’s not like he was in a relationship and he was in no shape to go looking for one, especially not as hung up on you as he was. 

Sarah came back and put the bouncer in the middle of the kitchen table, sitting eagerly next to it, watching as Joel kept settling the baby. He had his back to her, working his way toward the opposite end of the kitchen, when she spoke. 

“Aunt Goldie!” She said, sounding about as happy to see you as she’d been to see Ellie. Joel turned around so fast that he almost tripped over his own feet, finding you standing in the entry to his kitchen in his shirt and his pajama pants, the legs too long on you. Your eyes were wide and on him and one of your arms was crossed protectively over the front of you as you watched him. Sarah didn’t seem to notice. “When did you get here! Why do you have Ellie? How are you? What’s…” 

“Alright, kiddo,” Joel cut her off, still watching you. “Let’s not give her a pop quiz first thing in the morning…” 

“It’s alright,” you said, finally tearing your eyes away from Joel to look at his daughter. “I came over pretty late last night. I’m giving Anna a break for a little while but babies are a lot of work and your dad was nice enough to offer to help with Ellie.” 

Sarah just nodded, not questioning any of it. 

“Can I help with her, too?” She asked. “I can hold her and feed her and I can learn how to change a diaper even though that sounds kind of gross but that’s OK and…” 

“Sure,” you laughed a little. “You can help. I think you’ll be really good at it, Ellie really likes you.” 

“She does?” Sarah’s face lit up. 

“Mhmm,” you said, sitting across from her at the table. “Remember when you held her at the hospital and she was all calm and relaxed? She likes you.” 

She beamed. 

“Cool.” 

“Alright,” Joel said, satisfied with how quiet Ellie seemed to be. “Think I can set her down, she’s been fed but the rest of us still need food. Scrambled eggs? Yeah?” 

“Yup,” Sarah nodded, settling further into the chair. 

He looked to you, brows raised. 

“Um,” you said, watching him. “Yeah, sure, that sounds good.” 

He nodded and put Ellie in the bouncer. Her little face scrunched in her sleep and he waited for a moment, ready to scoop her back up again, but she settled and he strapped her in, taking the spit up covered towel off his shoulder as he did. 

“Baby girl, do me a favor, go toss this in the laundry room and grab me a t-shirt,” he said, passing the towel to Sarah.

“Anything to get you to put clothes on,” she teased good naturedly, taking the towel and scampering off. 

You watched her go as Joel went to the fridge to get out the eggs and the bacon and the hashbrowns. 

“Joel,” you whispered as he set the carton of eggs on the counter. He looked over to you, your eyes wide, hair in disarray. “What are we…” 

“Sarah’s got a birthday party in a few hours,” he said, just as quietly. “Friend’s picking her up. We can talk then.” 

The deadline sat like a rock in his stomach the rest of the morning, his fate with you looming over his head as he made the three of you breakfast and did Sarah’s hair and showed you the angle he’d been holding Ellie at to take her bottle. When Sarah’s friend came to the door and she ran outside, Joel stood on his front stoop and waved goodbye as she got into the car for far longer than he needed to, afraid of what going back inside could mean. 

But, eventually, he couldn’t put it off any longer and he found you there, Ellie starting to fuss in your arms as you paced with her around the kitchen. 

“It’s OK,” you said, your voice thick as you tried to soothe her. “I know, it’s hard, but you’re OK and…” 

“Here,” Joel said, tugging his shirt up and over his head and draping it over the back of a chair. Your eyes went wide and he realized how he must look. “No, not… she likes the skin on skin stuff, guess it’s a thing with babies sometimes. Calms them down, here.” 

He held his hands out and you hesitated before passing her to him. He pulled her into his bare chest and she let out one little cry and then relaxed into him, her little, huffing breaths calming. He swayed with her, bouncing her rhythmically and you watched, arms crossed over your chest, an almost pained look on your face. 

“What’s goin’ on?” Joel asked quietly. 

“Why can’t I do that for her?” You asked, your eyes meeting his. “Why can’t I be that safe place for her when she needs it? I want to be, I’d do anything for her but…” 

“Take off your shirt,” he said. You opened your mouth to protest but he cut you off before you could. “The skin is helping her right now and… well, it’s not like I haven’t seen you, so…” 

“Right,” you said, wincing a little. But you obeyed all the same, taking your shirt off and putting it next to Joel’s on the back of the chair. He gently pulled Ellie away from his chest and held her out to you. You took her reverently and brought her to your chest as she started to squirm and fuss. She seemed confused for a moment when she touched your skin and your face fell but then she settled, cooing contentedly against you. You smiled in that way you had, slow and hesitant and then all at once as you watched her there, swaying with your niece as she took comfort in you.

“See?” Joel said. Watching you with a baby like this making him ache for you. He wanted to do this with you for a baby that looked like you and him together, wanted to make a family with you even though he knew that wanting that would only lead to heartache. “You can do it.” 

“Yeah,” you laughed quietly, looking at him with misty eyes. “That’s the first time I’ve done that, she’s never calmed like that for me so fast, it’s always been because she wore herself out and never because…” 

You trailed off, looking back down to Ellie, pressing a kiss into the soft tufts of hair on the crown of her head. Joel just watched you for a moment, humming to her, knowing just how soft your bare skin would be if he reached out and touched you in that moment. 

Instead, he ducked quickly into the living room and grabbed the throw blanket from the back of the couch.

“Here,” he said, and you looked up as he held the blanket toward you. “Want me to…” 

You frowned a little but looked back down at Ellie before you nodded. 

“Yeah,” you said, a twinge in your voice. “Thanks.” 

He draped the blanket carefully around you so he couldn’t see the parts of you he’d spent so much time touching the night before - parts he’d kill to touch again - as you soothed the baby in your arms until she calmed enough that she could be set down again. 

“Let’s put her back in the crib,” he said gently. “Then we won’t need to keep an eye on her and we can… we can talk.” 

You nodded and Joel led the way to the room he’d set up for Ellie. You slowly, carefully, lowered her into the crib and he turned the baby monitor on before the two of you backed out of the room as silently as you could. 

Joel led the way to his bedroom and you hovered by the door as he got the receiver to the baby monitor, the blanket tight around your body. He went to leave, to have this conversation somewhere else but you stayed where you were, your gaze locked on the bed that was still a mess from everything you’d done the night before. 

“What are we doing, Joel?” You asked quietly.

“Taking care of Ellie,” he said, even though he knew that wasn’t what you were talking about. 

“No,” you shook your head. “I mean what are we doing? You and me together, what are we doing? What did we do?” 

“Goldie…” 

“I’ve been seeing someone,” you said it like you were trying not to cry. “I have Ellie to take care of, I have to find Anna, I have a book I need to finish, I can’t… I can’t handle you disappearing on me right now, Joel, I can’t lose you, I can’t do it, please, I…” 

“Hey,” he said when your voice started to quiver, going to you and taking your face in his hand, making you look at him. “It’s OK, I’m not going anywhere and you’re not either, alright? We don’t… it… we…”

He closed his eyes for a moment. He couldn’t look at you and find the words he knew he needed to say. He took a deep breath and pressed on.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he said again, opening his eyes and looking at you. “I… I know how you feel and… it’s alright, I’m OK with that, it doesn’t have to be weird. This can… it can just be something that happened and we move on, it can be something we do again and we just deal with it… it’s OK is what I’m saying. Nothing else has to change. You’re my best friend, I don’t want to lose you again. It doesn’t have to be like it was then, we can just… it’s different now. We can figure it out.” 

You looked at him for a moment, his heart thudding heavy in his chest as your eyes searched his. He wasn’t sure what answer you were looking for there but then, it didn’t really matter. He’d tell you whatever you wanted if it kept you close. 

“You and me, Goldie,” he said quietly. “We can figure it out.” 

Your eyes dropped to his lips for a moment, so fast he thought he might have imagined it, and then you nodded. 

“OK,” you said. “We can figure it out.” 

Next Chapter

A/N: So they kind of talked 😌

Look. I promise I have something in mind for these two that I think makes sense for the characters and their story, I swear I'm not dragging this out to be mean! I appreciate you sticking with the story, even as these two kind of tap dance around their feelings for a little while longer. Nearly two decades is just a long time to have stuff buried to just bring up and work through!

It is coming, though. Promise!

Thank you for reading! As always, feel free to yell at me in the comments or in my ask box. Love you!!

[serraphinm]

⋆.˚@Messy#⋆.˚

Summary: Ellie has been off for weeks now and you have no idea why. So when you've finally had enough you snap, causing a fight.

Happy New Year! This is my gift to all of you!

@vxsellie - For you girl <3

Masterlist

Ellie was in a mood... She had been for three weeks now. Why she was in such a mood I had no idea but she refused to tell me, let alone calm down. The worst part was she was taking her anger out on me. Since we lived together it was impossible to truly get any space unless one of us left. We had been living together for a few months now and dating for two years. Her duality is what made me fall in love with her in the first place. But now her underhanded insults were starting to sting.

I scan the room once more, avoiding her eyes. The stale air in the room mixed with the smell of weed made it suffocating. My eyes water a little from a fresh puff of smoke blowing into them. Our home was practically a hot box with how much she had been smoking. The couch felt rough beneath my calloused fingers. I had been working in the gardens for a few weeks now and my hands had gotten a handful of cuts and calluses. Ellie wouldn’t let me touch her anymore and I blamed my hands.

“Are you even listening or what?” Her voice reaches my mind and my eyes finally snap to hers.

“I’m listening, Ellie,” I say, hoping she doesn’t snap. 

“Fucking finally..” She mutters. Another puff of smoke that I wave out my face. Despite all the weed she still seemed on edge, which was a feat in itself. “I have patrol today.. Need you to get a job gardening,” Ellie sits up slowly, a little dizzy.

“I was actually thinking of going on patrol with you today.. You know.. Switch it up?” I say standing from the couch to grab her some water. 

“Did you not hear what I said?” Her green eyes narrowing,“I don’t want you outside the walls, just go garden like you always do,” Her voice is harsh but I try to focus on the fact she wants me safe inside the walls.

“I understand that Els but-”

“Why can’t you just fucking listen?! I’m trying to keep you safe!” She snaps. This rage was uncalled for.

“I don’t need you to make decisions for me Ellie.. I’m fully capable of being safe.” I argue back, my fist clenched around the glass of water. My eyes met hers once more as she sat on the couch. All I see in her eyes is anger, no fear.

“Cordyceps is no joke! You’re not immune like I am!!” She argues, standing to meet me

on an equal level. 

That sent me back to when Ellie had told me of her immunity. We had been walking outside the wall on a warm summer night. She was awkward as hell grabbing my hand with her own sweaty ones. Her eyes sparkled as she told me about her day. She and Dina had been on patrol when they ran into a bear—scared the shit out of them, causing them to finish patrol early and ride all the way back to Jackson. They laugh about it now. She got so serious though when she told me Dina almost got bit. I watched fear etch her features before she turned to me.

“Babe, I need you to know something..” She whispered, my brows furrowed. It seemed this was serious so I stopped smiling and faced her.

“When I was younger I had a friend… sorta… her name was Riley and, well we were really close. Long story short.. We both got bit…” That last part left her mouth slowly. I looked at her confused. 

“But.. there’s no way you should be alive right now if you were. Are you pulling my leg?” I asked as I tilted my head in her direction. Confusion all over my face. Ellie huffed and scratched her neck before holding out her tattooed arm and running her fingers over the chemically burned section.

“That day I found out I was immune…” She said softly, her eyes not meeting mine anymore.

She had to be shitting me.

“Immune..? Like.. immune immune?” I asked, grabbing her wrist and pulling her arm closer to my face.

“Yea..” She whispered.

“Really Ellie? That’s some bullshit and you know it,” I said before dropping her arm, “Tell the truth.”

“Wha- hey! That is the truth! Look, the chemical burn was me covering the bite mark!” She said as she lifted her arm back up again and practically shoved it in my face.

“Alright! Alright! So let’s say this is true.. Why tell me?” I asked as I pushed her arm out of my face.

“Cause… cause I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you…” Her voice is so quiet, like a whisper. She stared at the floor beside me while I looked at her shocked.

“You… you love me…?” I whispered as I stepped closer to her. Ever so slowly her eyes met mine. I could tell she was nervous so I sent her a smile.

“Something like that..” Ellie muttered. My smile grew and I moved forward once more as I wrapped her in a hug. She hugged back almost immediately, but not before she wiped her palms on her jeans.

“I love you too Ellie..” I whispered to her and the stars. My eyes trailed to the moon and I wished then and there that this moment would never end…

“You have got to be fucking kidding me. You’re not even listening again!” Ellie’s harsh voice snaps me out of my daydream. She must’ve been going on a rant again. I often zoned out when she did that. “What did I just say?? Huh?” 

“I’m sorry, Ellie, I don’t listen to you when you get like this.” 

Ellie rolls her eyes, “You’re so clever so how can you be so dumb?”

That hurts a little so I send her a glare, “You have no right to talk to me like that!” My hand clenches around the glass of water again.

“I can talk to you however I want!” She argues back, her arms waving around in frustration.

“No! You can’t! I am your equal and partner! Not someone you can just talk down to cause you’re pissy about something! I have been nothing but kind and patient with you and you’ve just been rude!!” I snap. My anger gets the better of me and I squeeze the glass so hard it shatters. Pain reaches my senses as I realize I’ve been cut. Blood seeps from my palm and I grimace. Without looking at Ellie I rush to the door, wrench it open, and slam it behind me. The cool fall air hits my face and I shiver. 

I decide to patch it up before dragging my feet to the gardens. Getting work done with this was going to be a pain, but it was better than staying with Ellie right now. One of the sweet women I work with gives my hand a concerned glance. She offers to help but I decline as I slide a glove over the hand. Work takes a few hours and by the time I’m done, it's as dark as the stains of dirt on my clothes. Trudging back home I decide to take my time and marvel at the lights in Jackson. The peaceful walk back shatters when I open the door to see Ellie sitting on the couch still- -clad in her patrol gear. When I walked in her head snapped to me. Ellie stands quickly and walks over to me.

“Where the hell have you been?! I’ve been worried sick!” She looks me over before noticing all the dirt spots. “Why are you filthy? Did you fall or something?” All my patience vanishes.

Deciding I’d rather not fight again today I start walking to the kitchen to just put some space between us when she grabs my wrist.

“Ellie let go,” I say, not in the mood.

“No.. you left without even saying anything and left a mess for me to clean. You’re so messy.” 

That does it.

“Really Ellie?! You wanna sit here and nitpick me?? I get what you’re saying, but really??”

Ellie lets go of my wrist, a little shocked at my outburst. But I wasn’t done.

“I’m too messy and then I’m too fucking clean! I’m too perfect till I open my big mouth. I’m too clever till I’m too fucking dumb!” It all starts pouring out as I step closer and closer to her. She begins backing up as tears well in my eyes.

“You told me to go to the gardens then wonder where I’ve fucking been!!” I poke her chest as I stare into her eyes. She seems to start to understand so I keep going.

“You can’t even talk! You smoke weed to help you sleep. Then get stoned at four o’clock! You come home from patrol to me and don’t even say hello before you’re yelling at me. All 'cause I made a mess!”

Her face falls as she stares at me in realization.

“I want to be me! Is that not allowed?! I wanted to go on patrol! But no! Instead I had to work all day in the gardens with a gash on my hand!” 

Ellie stares down at the floor. It seems I finally woke her up from whatever cloudy haze she was in.

“Thousand different people I could be for you Els.. and you hate the fucking lot…”

That last line seems to finish her off and she starts to tear up. My breath is fast and my hands shake. Rage truly overtook me. I wasn’t the most patient person in the world. But usually, I was a bit more composed. Seems Ellie really hurt me…

“I…” She whispers. Tears drip down to her chin before falling onto the cold floors. My breathing slows a little as she fiddles with her fingers.

“I just.. Joel did some really fucked up shit… and I lost it…took it out on you…” She takes a deep breath and wipes her face with one hand.

“What the hell happened?? And why didn’t you tell me that?” I ask gently. Ellie takes another deep breath. She begins to explain that she could’ve been the cure for cordyceps.. If Joel hadn’t taken her from the fireflies and killed them all. I stare at her in shock.

“I just got so furious… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive him for that…” My heart hurts and I take a hesitant step towards her. 

“Ellie..” I start. She brings me into a hug and cries into my shoulder. Tears well up in my own eyes. Now I felt bad for snapping. One of my hands rests on the back of her neck while the other wraps around her. I could tell she needed this hug. We both did. 

Slowly I move us over to the bed and take off our dirty clothes before laying back in bed with her. She holds me like a lifeline as she calms down, her skin cold on mine. Moving the covers overtop of us I secure it tightly around her as she snuggles into my chest. My fingers rung through her short auburn hair. I take her hair tie out and pull it onto my wrist.

“Look.. all those things I said… I never really meant them.. I just.. I wanted someone to hurt with me... So I’d feel less alone..” She was surprisingly self-aware.

“Dork,” I mutter. She looks up at me with a glare.

“I open up my thoughts and feelings to you, and you call me a dork?? Really?” I watch as her composure cracks, a smile spreads across her face.

“Yup. Dork.” 

“Rude..”

“You love me.”

“Yea… I do…”

Ellie spends the next few hours talking everything out. We discuss it all before deciding to put steps in place to prevent this from happening again. It takes us a while but we work it out. I glance at the clock to see it’s almost 2 am. With a yawn, I relax further into the pillows.

“Ellie.. I know it’s going to be hard… but could you try and forgive Joel..? If not for him or yourself.. Maybe for me..?” I say gently.

She says nothing for a moment before take a deep breath… and ever so slowly nodding her head.

“Yea.. for you.. anything..”

.

.

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[sixosix]

cw injuries, desc of blood, scara patching reader up, profanity bc its a sixosix fic AND it’s scara, wc 500

for @scarahearts the craziest scara main

“so annoying,” wanderer hisses under his breath, cursing again. his breath is on your skin, almost as scorching as the scowl he’s wearing. “infuriating. is your hobby getting on people’s nerves?”

“is your hobby degrading your patients?” you retort, then yelp when he tightens the bandage a little too hard. “ow— fuck you!”

he smirks smugly at your defeated glare, but it fades quickly and back to a frown when blood seeps from the cloth. 

you murmur and fidget, “sorry for inconveniencing you.”

his gaze snaps up, sharp. that was probably the wrong thing to say.

“thanks for helping me…?” you try instead. he rolls his eyes.

wanderer stares at your plastered arm for a moment too long, eyes tracing the curve of your elbow, where blood is seeping and staining the once beige bandage dirty red. he then sneers, a snarl of teeth; you can almost see in his eyes where he’s replaying the exact moment you were picked up and thrown to the ground.

you almost want to say that shouki no kami did the same thing to you (read: the balladeer himself), but you have a feeling that those canines aren’t for show, and he’ll end up biting your arm off or something.

you’re startled out of your skin when he suddenly grabs your chin with his hand, rough and demanding you to get a clear view of his displeased expression. ...and yet the grip he has on your injured arm is gentle. a mess of contradictions, a push and a pull, a scowl and a brush of skin—hate, and love.

“when will it get in your fucking head—” he enunciates each word by pulling you closer and closer to him, until your faces are a heavy breath away, “—that you have travel companions for a reason? am i just for show? a doll for you to show off?”

instinctively, you back away, a little bit of fear racing in your heart at the familiar hostile face he’s making. “it’s not that! it’s— i wasn’t— thinking.”

“right. because nothing ever goes in that pretty little head of yours,” wanderer muses, readily agreeing.

“hey,” you fume, face burning.

“you disagree? prove me wrong, then.” he still doesn’t let go of your face. and although puppets do not need to breathe, there’s warm air shared between the two of you where his lips are in close distance with yours. “prove to me that you aren’t forgetting i can fight just as well as you. that i am completely capable of protecting myself and you.”

“that’s not…” you want to say that your little incident didn’t involve any of that, but his gaze is fierce. you realize that it may not be your intention, but it might be what came off to him. “...okay.”

after a beat, you add; an afterthought, “you don’t have to protect me. you saw that i was able to beat their asses easi—” at his unimpressed stare, you correct yourself, “—with a bit of slipping here and there. still, i won.”

“not without an almost severed arm.”

without thinking too much about it, you say, “let’s protect each other, then.”

surprise flits across wanderer’s expression before it settles into something like muted satisfaction. “don’t make it a promise, so you can’t break it.” it’s the closest you can get a ‘yes’ out of him.

im gonna be honest i dont know where this came from like i literally tokd myself if im gonna write a genshin fic itll be HEIZOU. but this bitch held me hostage at 2am with a phone and google docs open — and then i made it happen fr for ellie cus we both lost our minds over the scara art in the 3.8 stream